When our spouse walks away, we enter a form of desperation. We will do anything to initiate contact, open communication, be in the same place, etc.
She needs space. She wants space. When you try to engage her in a discussion, particularly one so meaningful as one of admitting wrong and asking for forgiveness, you appear to be pushing your agenda on her. No matter how well meaning - and let's be honest, at least part of the motivation for this is to appeal for leniency and clemency in the hope that she will reconsider her current path - the impression we send is that OUR needs and desires are more important than hers.
I understand your thinking. I thought the same way back in that day. But the truth is that this conversation will not suddenly transport you back to a life together. At best she would accept your words right now and continue on her path.
At worst she will feel pressured and her feelings disregarded and you will lose credibility with her.
The hardest thing to finally accept and grasp in the heat of this crisis is that there is ultimately only one thing that YOU can control.
You.
Nothing you say is going to win for you what you most want to win.
Actions still speak more loudly than words. Consistency, even in her separateness, is still an attractive and valued commodity for her.
You are to become the rock.
You have to care for yourself. You have to find yourself. You have to restore yourself. You have to be who you are and nothing else. You have to become a man of integrity and honor who desperately wants this woman in your life, but who will bear the burden of living without her to establish these things above.
Respect her by respecting yourself.
Take the focus OFF of her and the marriage, then put it squarely on the only thing you can effectively change.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
