You sure know how to bring me to tears. I really have to comment here, so bear with me, okay?
I know you realize that you wrote this story in 3rd person. When people do this and the story is 1st person, it indicates a lot of pain and guilt. So I KNOW this had to be tough for you to address here. I also noticed that you used capitalization here... and that isn't an accident either.
Man, you are brave and courageous and strong. Do you believe this about yourself? If not, please try, because it's very true.
Where you are right now has everything to do where you've been. I hope you feel safe in discussing this now.
If you've read any of my earlier posts, you know that I'm the straight chick with mostly gay friends. Both male and female.
So let's get this stuff out on the table so you don't have to keep any secrets anymore.
Having a lesbian relationship with another woman does not make you a lesbian. You were drawn toward a woman in an intimate fashion because of your past and because of your associations between men and hurt. It was a natural progression to have a sexual relationship with her.
I'm feeling some guilt from this for you. Please, please don't waste another minute of your time feeling guilty for wanting intimacy and a bond with another person and reaching out for it.
We all need caring and touch. Your need was filled by someone who was in a position to offer you both. There is no shame in that, Kitti.
Being a lesbian means that you are programmed to sexual interest in another woman. Does being around women make you feel this way? I'm ASSuming not--the timing was more of an issue than a burning need for a relationship with a woman.
Only you know what your true orientation is. I believe from your posts that you are straight and that there is not gender confusion.
If I've ASSumed wrong, please call me out.
Kitti, there is nothing wrong with you. But your past has come knocking and it's time to reconcile things once and for all. It's so difficult--I know this as well because I've spent a good deal of time in the shrink's office getting my own stuff out.
But the power it holds over you is far greater because it's remain suppressed for so long. It's time to give it away, sweetie. For good. Don't give it any more power, okay?
Kitti, I admire you greatly for wanting to tackle this stuff. Be kind to yourself today.
Big bear hugs.
Underdog
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
