Ok, here goes nothing. I don't know what happened to my marriage, and will probably never really know the truth. I am working on ME, and know that I am the only one I can control. I am tired of feeling sorry for myself, and asking others to do it. I feel like it's taken me a long time to get here, but here I am. I am reading self-help books, codependent no more and change your mind and you life will follow. If STBXH is having a mid life crisis, more power to him, I am going to change my life for the better, not for him, but for me.
I am tired of being a selfish, self centered and self pitying person, and I'm leaving that behind with the past. If STBXH should ever want to come back to me,then that's good, if not I will survive. I know that he has missed out on a good loving relationship, but that was HIS choice, I did not make it for him, and I couldn't have. I have tried to influence STBXH, which is wrong, and I see that now. OW showed me how to not do it, and to make it in this world, since I see how controlling she is! Thank you OW!!:P I have not been sitting around waiting for him to "wake up" or "crash" one day and remember what a great woman I am, and how much I love him. But I have been wallowing in self pity, I am NOT that person, and don't want to be! I have too many good things ahead in my future to do that, and that all starts right now:)
I have done a lot of soul searching, and have asked God for direction in my life. I know what I need to change, and I am in the process. I have been more than fair to STBXH during all of this, helped out when I shouldn't have, and not demanded that he take care of himself enough. I cancelled my insurance on the house, hang him, he needs to step up to the plate and get his own, it will soon be HIS house, not mine anymore. I got a credit check in the mail today, it was made out to him, I sent it back through the mail and told him to send me my half, sent a stamped envelope to do it in! I'm getting angry as I write this, but feel that it is a good anger, it's getting me motivated!
STBXH on the other hand, hasn't even acknowledged the settlement agreement, so it's his loss all the way around. I never did think hiding my head in the sand was the solution, and just lately realized how much he has always done that. I am moving on with my life, and hang him, he can and already is doing whatever he pleases. I am too, just within the bounds of marriage. I am going to stand for my marriage, and will be a better person if STBXH ever decides to come back to "us" and start a new and better R. Thanks all for "listening"!!!!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Me; 52 H; 54 M 25 S 22 Bomb drop 6/14/2010 S 7/9/10 H filed 9/7
