I wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned ..

[PEI]

We subconsciously just adapted to the way they were treating us and tried to keep them happy. We made excuses for them and did our own rationalization of their behavior. That is what a supporting spouse does. Now, looking back? Wholly CHIT!

I get what you are saying. My sitch is slightly different, well reversed really. My H tried to keep ME happy for years. Silently. There was no rationalization or justifications from me ... his MLC behaviour was for him to be silent. REALLY silent. His crisis brewed like a bubbling cauldron, along with WAS mentality for more than six years.

Now that you get to take the high road though, realize that most of your requests will be shot down. How can they cooperate with you? That would admit defeat. THEY CAN'T DO THAT!!!

In our case, it's a control issue, and to be fair, rightly so in that I was a control freak, I did make all the decisions and I worked it until I got what I wanted. Now, I understand that until he finds balance in who he is, he will go to the other extreme ... the victim who becomes the bully. He can't and won't consider that maybe my motivations really are about what is best for the kids, he can only see me trying to get my way.

But if you take the high road you can still try with no expectations.

I do take the high road, WS, and will continue to do so (even though that little gal in red with the pitchfork sitting on my shoulder keeps prodding me to do otherwise ). I do it, because it's who I am. I'm not trying anything. I have no expectations of him, not anymore.

My expectations are of me. Only me

PEI