P,

You know what I think happens? You get so used to being the one

is flexible and loving and caring that when our spouses treat us

this way we forget that they were treating us like that up until

the crisis actually hit.

The crisis did not hit the day of the affair or bomb it was way,

way, before that. We subconsciously just adapted to the way they

were treating us and tried to keep them happy. We made excuses

for them and did our own rationalization of their behavior. That

is what a supporting spouse does. Now, looking back? Wholly CHIT!

Now that you get to take the high road though, realize that most

of your requests will be shot down. How can they cooperate with

you? That would admit defeat. THEY CAN'T DO THAT!!!

But if you take the high road you can still try with no

expectations.

You and I both know that this is not likely to be over soon for

them so you are absolutely right!!

The friendships gained here are priceless. Where do you get a

continuous education about this stuff and have more self

motivation to DIG IN about relationships when you probably did

not have to think about it much in the past. Just goin' through

the motions like everybody else in this world. NOW, you will

become a rare species among the women of this world. More intune

to how men think and gee, read some minds (lol) and see things

in people that was not visible before.

AND, of course form friendships with people who all are

learning the SAME THING. Yup, people make mistakes, but who they

become on the other side? That is what it is all about. I see I

have a long way to go. But I am a slow learner. I am bound and

determined to do it the hard way because I miss the ques for

the shortcuts. But the hard way is better than no way and I have

YOU and all the other YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE's around here to

thank for that.

WS