I am glad you are reading my threads, there is a lot of good info, from a lot of good people. Pay attention to all of it, not just me...
I kept a lot of stuff off of my threads at first. My STBXH, is a snoop. I did deal with A. Acutally, with several A. I did everything from exposing, to pretending that I knew nothing.
Exposure doesn't work. It just creates more hard feelings. Pretending, well, not the best thing either, but by that point, I just didn't feel like listening to him lie again. I didn't need that to know what I knew.
Please remember as you read, I posted in MLC, because my H, is having a MLC. It is a bit of a different animal than you find in newcomers. Don't let some of what you may read scare you.
As far as snooping and checking up, it is hard to not know. It is hard, but all it really does it place you in a position to hurt more. Because you know the truth, and you have been lied to.
We try to tell ourselves that we will feel better if we just are sure that our suspicions are wrong. So we justify looking. Unfortunatly, that rarely makes us feel better. It rarely increases our trust. Because they are still acting in ways that make us wonder. And it becomes a vicious cycle. A really vicious cycle that is difficult to end.
Have you ever bargained with yourself about it? You know, if he is where he is supposed to be, I won't call again? sort of thing?
You can always talk yourself into doing it again.
You have to fight with yourself to NOT do it, until the urge to look is gone. Make yourself busy with other things. Occupy your mind and body.
I know it is hard, but it is the only way.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
