How much longer in Separated?

[MichelleLT]

Congrats on the promotion!!!!

Glad your bike will be fixed soon.

Bummer about meeting up with W. That's rough. Also sucks that she had that constant migraine. That has to be brutal.

Hope you guys can work something out soon.

In the meanwhile, just keep doing your GAL stuff and keep working on becoming the person you want to be.

[jon2911]

I had a rough time on Thursday, five-year anniversary. Just not where I wanted to be at this point.

Good time at church with some friends for recovery group that night, and got a message from W asking if she could come visit Monday through Wednesday! I asked a friend if I should if I should bring up the anniversary, and he said to let her bring it up if she wanted to.

Great day in the studio all day Saturday, and a good time Sunday as well. Played at church and then got to go to the closing celebration at the camp I worked at last summer. Came home and got my place ready for W.

[MichelleLT]

(((jon))) You are doing better than my last couple anniversaries!

Just keep focusing on the positives.

Glad W is coming to visit!

[jon2911]

Good developments this past weekend. Made another trip to Port Arthur, but this time got to stay with W a GFIL's house. The rest of the family was out of town.

It was surreal being back there, just over 3 years after S. Great stuff from MWD's twitter today:

"Be a cheerleader. A well-timed compliment, hug, or note of appreciation goes a lot farther than a heart-to-heart about dissatisfaction."

[MichelleLT]

Been a long time since you posted an update.

How is everything going?

All the GAL still doing good?

What's up with your W?

[jon2911]

Yes, has been a while! I have the forums open every day at work but haven't had time to post.

Finishing up a big project for work, basically had to write the user's guide for our whole software.:
http://www.limoanywhere.tv/kb

Also paying off debt like crazy with my new raises, with another coming in December.

Just got a call from W, she said she was doing laundry and found some of my boxers in her sheets. LOL. I had took a four-day weekend in October and went down to see her then as well.

It's been frustrating trying to see W as GFIL is going down hill. His doctor says he's giving up. Don't blame him really, you can only go so long.

I had breakfast with my pastor recently and he was asking me some questions about the sitch. I can tell he doesn't get it, why I'm still trying. I told him I'm a bit worried about if GFIL, a multi-millionare, passes away. W's parents are divorced and her mom already passed, so, well do the math.

He said that he finally gets it all. This was always about money, and her family thought "here comes this musician trying to weasel his way in". He had a similar story. He did say that her getting inheritance right now would really change the good thing we've got going.

It's really out of my control. I really want to see him again also, we were really tight. She doesn't want me to yet. Says it's too soon after GMIL's passing. She always takes it on herself to keep everything smooth for everyone else and exhausts herself.

On the other hand, I have married friends tell me all the time that they're jealous of me. I live my life and have tons of fun when she's not here. And then when she comes or I go down, which I try for every two weeks, it's like we're married again. And really, it always has been. We still talk every night.

My pastor asked if we've had a conversation where I make it clear to her that we're not going to live like this for 30 years. I told him "I think we know that". And again, I can't control her choices. It still scares me that she'll start making better ones, at least as far as our M is concerned, but that's getting less. I told him I feel like I'll know when it's time, and that's not yet.

[MichelleLT]

Glad everything is going so well with work. It is awesome to be able to pay off debts. That always feels so good!

Too funny about the laundry. Glad you are still seeing each other pretty regularly.

As for the living situations, don't assume anything. You can't control her choices, so the only choice you have is whether to continue or not. I don't see you not continuing, because of the great progress you've made. But don't assume that moving back in together will follow from that.

First because she's still too uncertain to stand up to her family if she even thinks they'll disapprove. That's something she really needs to work on. And second, what incentive does she have to change things up? As you said, it's not a bad deal. Get to be single sometimes, and married other times and still have someone to depend on. (Although I would make a note of the balance you guys are making of talking, spending time together, and doing your own thing - that is an important thing to maintain in the future as well)

Your married friends are jealous because they see you have a freedom that they feel they lack. But that's not actually the case. They just have gotten into routines in their lives that are comfortable and boring. They look back and miss the excitement of dating, but they don't realize they can have that in their marriage too.

[jon2911]

Your married friends are jealous because they see you have a freedom that they feel they lack. But that's not actually the case. They just have gotten into routines in their lives that are comfortable and boring. They look back and miss the excitement of dating, but they don't realize they can have that in their marriage too.

That's a great lesson, isn't it? I don't ever want to fall back into that, married or not.

I'm feeling down this week. W and I have missed our nightly talk the last few nights, just the wrong timing on calls. She IM'd with me a little earlier today. It looks like I'll be 30 minutes away from her at Thanksgiving but won't get to see her. I'm hoping we can work something out for Friday.

I've been feeling like we've cooled off, read through her texts from the last couple months and confirmed that. It could just be that things with GFIL are so tough.

I'm just frustrated with the sitch, working so hard on this work project that the holidays snuck up on me. The break will be nice though, whether I get to see W or not.

[jon2911]

W came back on chat, and I decided to take a chance especially when she opened the door a bit in the second line.

W: How are you feeling? You're usually sick this time of year
W: I miss our dallas adventures
me: Actually it's been really warm here, perfect motorcycle weather all week.
W: Great! It's warm here too. The weather @ the ranch was absolutely perfect!
me: Oh, that's great. I wish the weather would stay this way all winter!
me: So, do you think you could sneak away for an adventure on Friday?
me: I miss you
W: No I can't this wknd, sorry
Thank you though
Where are you going for tday?
me: I'll be in Anahuac. That's what sucks I'll be 30 min from Port Arthur
me: You couldn't go "Black Friday shopping" or something?
W: well maybe so!
W: Lets talk about it
me: Cool! The Houston family all work on Friday so I can get away easy if you can swing it
me: So, what time can you talk tonight, tired of missing ya
W: Great, sounds good. Around 6?
me: Sure! Talk to you then

Yay! There are times that this really does have the nervousness and excitement of dating again. I'm frustrated that we still have to sneak around like this, but I can't change that. What I can do is make the best of it. And I have a W who misses adventures. "Our" adventures. That's a good sign.

[MichelleLT]

things in life have their cycles. Things may cool off and then get more intense, but it's not necessarily a reflection of you. Glad to see you tried not to take it personally.

Hope you had a good Thanksgiving. Did you get to see her on Friday? *fingers crossed*

Either way, you are doing good. The holidays are hard when you're separated, try and be conscious of that and not let it get to you too much though.