The employment situation is injury. I have an income. I supported her to get her degree to do her now job and she has enjoed the benefit of my flexibility for her to work when she wants. She says that is not why. Other things she complained about after d day I had been adressing. But she is claiming to have been unhappy for years. But yet during that time we never had more than regular arguments until this summer ( 5urns out when A was going on) and with the question of are you ok always came the answer yes. Were we perfect no. She does not respond with a yes or no wether or not she wants D she has said she feels we should seperate. She knows I want to work on it.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
If YOU want to work on it--DO that. Slow down your lawyer, work smarter on her complaints. You mention that she has them and that you've addressed them, but you haven't said what they are...and you don't have to, but you may be able to tweak the way you've addressed them in a way that would fill her heart. Let's work on that.
Yes I think its worth I and I had an encouraging talk from a stranger today but the whole thing is wearing me down I have never had cried so often in my life. I always kept that in check. I was fully committed to her I think it was last night I calmly expressed some of my feelings to her before she went shopping. Things I should have reminded her of all these years. Sometimes I wonder if her bad feelings of the situation will prevent her from working on us. I will continue to work on me and the things that contributed to her complaints. It's hard she complained about our house being a mess, its not always. Only takes 4 kids 3 minutes to do that when they get off the bus. I want to work this I do not know if she does my 180 based on her statement that the kids wont miss her is letting them goto her no mattee what she is doing if that is what they want, and sending the mommy questions to her more she feels I took over both parenting roles.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Gotcha. So is the best way to deal with her rt now to maintain a pma. Give her space avoid R questions and conversations maybe take the kids out instead of staying home and just try to have normal conversation to still make her feel welcome?
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
Disbelief, have you got either one of Michelle's books? It will really help you understand the techniques that are discussed on this board if you have read at least one of the books. You seem to still be pursuing your W. While I understand it and believe me, I did it too, pursuing her with all your R talk is only driving her further away. Whatever makes them do what they do, also makes them see you in a negative light no matter what you do or say. Only time can counteract that. She is going to keep rewriting your history to justify what she wants to do. She has to do that or she won't be able to do it.
You have to work from a place that can let her go. In other words, detachment. It is one of the hardest things you will ever do, but if she chooses to go, you have to let her go. You get to choose how you act from here on out. Make sure that you act with the utmost integrity so your children can be proud of you.
Work on GAL activities and 180's. But don't explain it to your W, just let her see the results. Take your kids out for an activity. Tell your W you have plans so she needs to watch the kids at this time but don't tell her what your going to do. If she asks, be vague. The meetup groups are a great way to meet other adults who have similar interests.
If you feel like engaging in an R talk with your W, come here and journal. That usually helps get it out and clear your head. Most of us have been where you are. We want to see you succeed. You are strong and will get through it no matter how it turns out.
By the way, on the subjuect of exposing your W. It sounds like you are already working with OM's W. Beyond that, I wouldn't lie for her but don't go around telling everyone. People are only empathic for so long and then they'll go back to their own lives. You'll still end up right where you are.
I have read dr almost done DB need to reread I have gotten better control of my emotions last night was not yelling several weeks ago it was. I Went for a ride and vented alone in the car before we talked. She keeps offerring to talk I have been declining so I don't get carried away. I am starting to wonder if she wants me to push the D papers so she doesn't have all the guilt. I have signed up on the meetup sight. Thanks for the input I think I will review DR also.
H 37 WW 37 M 15 5 Children Bomb 9-27-10 W EA/Pa she filed 12-18-10
