As for your past history with cheaters...yi yi yi.... she and I had THIS conversation the other day. I can't speak for you, Zen, but my bff said what I THINK you are saying, which is something like this: "what's up with MY choices if this keeps happening? Are all men pigs, or is it something I do, or what?"
Gee, I read this stuff and I can totally relate.
It is not any different from a man's perspective. I can't comment on what I have learned from my first marriage because I never had a second one.
Twenty years goes by at what I thought was bliss for a marriage and now I find it wasn't? Everybody we talked to wanted what we had. I thought at that time nobody has what we have in our R.
I guess here is my point on what is the challenge:
If MLC is the tragic event that has become part of our lives then we get to dig deep in ourselves to be the person we want to be through this mess.
So now I look back 20 years and realize that out of the girlfriends that I did have, only 2 of them I would have been able to see a long term relationship or marriage with both ended up cheating on me before things got too far. Thank God for that!! It is so much easier looking back and realizing what a mess those 2 would have been.
My point here is that it happens to us men too. So now we get to roll the dice again. Not sure if I even want to stand up to the craps table at this point.
So what is left?
How many women are going to want to be serious with a great father of 3 awesome boys? (Seriously, 3 boys is a lot of testosterone and is not for the faint of heart)
How many women are going to share the same values, morals and beliefs?
How many women are going to be good in bed? (This question has to be asked (Sorry).
How many women won't be smokers? For me that is important because a smoker will kind of kill it for me when I am kissing them.
How many women won't be heavy drinkers or drug users?
I can do the romance part, I love every part of that.
Ok, now they fill out the questionaire:
Have you ever cheated on your ex or boyfriend?
Have you ever been abused in your life? (Prepare for MLC in back of mind).
Do you have any childhood abandonment issues?
I could go on but hopefully you see my point.
How many available women are left that fit all that criteria?
I could live my life alone with 50% time with my wonderful sons and be perfectly fine and also be quite happy
BUT!!
I would miss the intimacy. I would miss the hand holding. I would miss the sharing of our daily experiences. I would miss the spiritual connections that we share. I would miss the new adventures together.
I could go on and on here too.
I do know this though. Not enough time has gone by for healing for me. I know I will wait till this D is final before I can even attempt to start a new R with a woman. I don't even think it has anything to do with vows or values or morals because I am not a martyr in this. I guess I never thought about cheating in my whole marriage so the idea of a different woman than my wife being with me is so foreign in my head. Probably a good thing for now.
