Pie's Story - he's comfortable again

[Albuquerque]

Pie,

It sounds like you're on the right track. Keep moving forward. But keep in mind that this man you see before you is NOT your H. He is lost in a fog. Lost in a dream world where he thinks he will find happiness at last. The sad thing is that he most likely won't and it may take him a long time to realize that. They have a LOT of emotional baggage on their shoulders but put up a front (lie) about it.

Everytime I start feeling sorry for him, and want to make it better for him, and just love and hug and squeeze him better, I remember the lies, and it kindof brings me back to reality...

Just my two cents but I don't think this is a good approach. You're concentrating on the negative. The lies are a symptom of the MLC. The MLC is, in essence, a mental illness. I'm not, IN ANY WAY, saying that what your H is doing is excusable. But realize that the lies are a part of the whole MLC. When I felt the way you did, I remembered that my H was in fact deeply ill. Deeply disturbed. Deeply hurting. Empathy is easier to find that way. It seems that you're seeing small glimpses of his pain every now and again. And it is very very real. My H told me that there were days that he'd wrap himself in his comfortor in his apartment and just stare and the ceiling for hours depressed.

At least I've already started accepting now, so its not that hard to digest, i can still keep a smile on my face Which I managed pretty well

Good for you. That's difficult to do. There were times where my H was flying off to see OW (and I knew this since she lived in a different state) and I would purposefully offer to drive him to the airport. It was probably not so good of me to do but I liked knowing that I had the power in this strange dynamic and that every time I offered (and he always refused) it probably wrankled him a little bit that his wife was offering to drive him to the airport to see OW. And like you, I was NEVER sure but there were too many red flags to ignore.

Keep working on you and your S. That's the ONLY thing you have control over right now. Making yourself a better you WILL bring you inner peace and, if your H does recover from the fog, will only make you THAT much more attractive. Keep up the good work!