Pie's Story - he's comfortable again

[hope for zen]

Thanks Zen I just don't know how to tell him WHY his dad is not here. So far I have been lying (smack me now), saying that daddy is working hard, and he has to live close to his work I guess thats worng, but for some reason it feels even more wrong to say 'because daddy doesnt want to live in the same house as mommy anymore'... It feels awful to tell a child of 4 that I'm not sure it gets easier or more 'ok' to tell them as they get older tho either...so I guess it has to come out sometime...

Just dont want to damage this little boy

Yes it is awful to tell a child that their daddy doesn’t want to live with mommy anymore. Unfortunately, there is no way to make this a happy story for your son. Try not to lie to him or make excuses for your H, but It is ok to tell your son you don’t know. You won’t have all the answers, and you can’t protect him from the realities that are around him.

The important thing they NEED to hear isn’t really what is happening or even why. For a young child they need to know how it effects them, and ONLY them. They don’t need (and should be protected from) their parent’s emotional reconstruction. The details they want and need are more concrete. When in doubt, keep it short too.
Mommy still loves you.
Daddy still loves you.
We will both always be here to take care of you.
You will still see both of us, just not all together.
You will still have time to play with your friends.
You can decide where to keep your toys.

You are not the one doing the damage, and yes there will be consequences for your son. This is being done by your H, and you can’t stop it. I know it isn’t fair, but that is how it is. All you can do is teach your son how to cope, give him time and space to grieve, and give him a safe place with you.

You can’t stop what is happening from effecting him, but you can be a buffer so he has time to process this at a slower pace. You are a good mom, Pie. Your son is lucky to have you.

((((Pie))))