Moving Forward

[gutwrenching]

Flow-
Surprisingly, anxiety only hits me when my gut is telling me is contacting OM. See last update. Things going down the toilet fast. With what I've been through and learned and support I've received, I am very proud of calm I remained through all of this. Twice I even told W, stop, don't get angry or mean, I am staying calm and I am the one with every reason to be angry. She agreed and stopped and said I can't believe how calm you are about all this right now.

But what I am is sad and in a state of disbelief. Three weeks ago, we were making plans 3 to 5 years in the future, as well as plans for 3 to 6 months in the future, as well as plans for just 1 day in the future. We were married. We were happy. We both admit that. and now this. It makes me sad and upset that an addiction is what is probably going to kill this. After all this time and all this work, to get it all back, to then just lose it to an addiction she can't fight and can't decide for herself she needs help to overcome.