Oh, yes (I know you weren't addressing me, but . . . oh, yes.)
The reality is that most people can give themselves orgasms quickly and efficiently through masturbation--if that were all the HD partner wanted, (s)he could easily cut the LD partner out of the equation. But you're right, that would be unsatisfying because it's not really what the HD partner is after, even if they often aren't completely sure what they are after.
And yes, it does often feel like you shouldn't be the one doing all the work. However, often the HD partner feels like he/she's doing all the work because he/she doesn't see the effort the LD partner is making. Remember that someone who is trying but doesn't know what to do often looks like he's not trying. And, it really does happen sometimes that you put in the work and work on getting a life and learn to self-soothe and be independent and suddenly the LD spouse feels the need to come along and see what you're doing and why. My wife has made a huge change in her effort to meet me halfway in the last year or so, but it took some time with me doing it all on my own before that appealed to her.
