Still struggling with the "dropping the rope" so to speak. I know that some of what led my h to have issues with our marriage is that I did need to get a life, b/c in the past two years i have tended to focus on the negatives in life rather than the positive. I think I became more and more codependent. Another unhappiness for him in our marriage is that he did not get much in the way of validation from me. He got neediness, but not affection. I struggle with this especially since there is an OW just waiting to give him affection. Today I flew with my son to my parents' house. This was a big deal for me. My son is 2 and has never been on a plane. I am a "fearful" flier myself. As I posted earlier my car decided that it would need a new transmission this week. So I had prepared myself to drive down to the airport, but those plans were ruined b/c of my car. My husband offered to drive me down, and I hesitantly accepted the offer. The drive down was fine, he talked to me a lot, made eye contact a lot more than he has in the past few weeks. He offered to hang up Christmas lights for me. He has been very "friendly" the last few days. Here is where my dilemma lies though. I want to believe that maybe there is interest there, but if I am honest with myself I know there is not. He still talks about separating the bills and doesn't ever seek me out as far as texts or phone calls go. I think what he feels is relief that I am picking up my life and moving on and maybe a little respect that I am doing so well b/c I know in his more honest moments, as much as he tries to ignore it he knows he has caused me an extreme amount of pain. Knowing this I was polite and responded to him, but did not do anything to "stroke his ego" in anyway. So once again here is my question- can I drop the rope and show him that I do value him at the same time? I did not show him how important he was in the relationship. This seems hard to do when I am trying not to pursue in anyway.
I am also struggling with how much contact I should have. When the plane landed I texted him to let him know we landed ok. I thought about not doing it, but I know that I would want to know our son had landed safe it was me. He texted me back in the form of a question that I could answer, but does not really require an answer. So I didn't. I am struggling with this decision. How do you do this w/o it feeling like such a game. And I know that if it feels like a game, I am not really doing it. But some of it is so out of character for me- not letting him know what is going on in my life, and some parts of it keep me from doing what should have been more part of my character when we were together, which is letting him know that he is important to me. I am in 100% confident that this is the right thing to do b/c pursuing was getting me NOWHERE. But I just want to make sure that I am doing it right. Sorry I know this post was all over the place!
