feelings as OW seems to be on way out

[peacetoday]

forward

I have just read a few of your latest posts so I probably don know the full situation
sounds like XH is doing a little soul searching and that is good
you have moved so far beyond him and it is nice and kind of you to help him recover
I sense your X has a LOT of searching and cleaning up to do and u have a new guy who you seem to like
why not put more energy there for now to see if there is possibilities
your X may be recovering for quite some time not just from the surgery but from the crises
peace

[sleeper]

They do so love the excuses, don't they?

[forward]

I should preface this by saying that I am continuing to write here because it's my attempt to understand the situation. Many of us try to ride out the MLC and understand it. For me it's not about reconciling or even that I am particularly concerned w/X at this point; it is about still trying to make sense of what might never make sense.

X talks with me more now; his very serious medical issues have made him thin and hunched over, and I do suspect he is lonely. OW appears to be completely gone but we'll see if she resurfaces over Thanksgiving and/or Christmas. It wouldn't surprise me that she needs a place to stay for a while. But even if she does, her apparent absence during what is really a pretty damn critical time seems to say a lot. X seems to spend most of his time alone in a dark house. He seems lonely but still cranky and defensive.

After some nasty and cutting remarks, I refused to let him in my house any more, either. When it comes to D, I have been kind and we have been cooperative. He also said he would never trust me because of the way I handled one aspect of our divorce; I don't really care at this point. I guess I do wish that X might open up and help me understand what happened but I don't think I see that happening. He has seemed downright desperate at times in terms of his situation, and I've tried to be nice.

I have mentioned New Guy to him a few times. He actually did introduce himself to New Guy.

For me, things have been going fairly well, although I am worn out from lack of help w/D. New Guy is very kind and I could see a future with him, although I am not sure if he is THAT interested. Have been feeling a little insecure with him lately.

[forward]

X continues to have major medical issues.

As he is alone in this city, I told him I would help him if he needed it.

I was very upset by the news that he might have to be readmitted to the hospital. I realized I still do care, but more in the way that you'd care about a friend or in a human way for someone who is really suffering.

And I care because of my daughter, who cried when she didn't get to see him today.

[forward]

New Guy, by the way, has been so kind and loving.

[forward]

Had a big Thanksgiving & New Guy came by for dessert. My family noticed that he is positive. Which ex was not.

As far as continuing the Story of the MLCer--OW is nowhere to be seen. As far as I can tell, X had no plans for the holiday and doesn't have plans for Christmas either.

Well, he has what he wanted.

[sleeper]

[quote=forward]When it comes to D, I have been kind and we have been cooperative. He also said he would never trust me because of the way I handled one aspect of our divorce; I don't really care at this point.[quote]

That brought back memories. Post-separation, while boinking OM in what had been our home, X commented she no longer "trusted me".

Trust must be defined differently in mlcland.

[forward]

I noticed that various OW items in X's place were removed.

And...I know this isn't a good thing to do but I looked up OW and saw pics of her laughing w/boys her own age. Matter of time before she finds someone new. No mention of her "fiance" any more. I just think to myself what a completely selfish person. X could really use emotional support now, I am sure. At the same time, I am not jumping on to that hook.

And I thought about X and felt bad for him. Most certainly he was alone or close to it on the holiday, in pain, and a similar Christmas is looming. Perhaps someone will be nice to him over the holidays. But I've kept telling myself that it is important I do not interfere.

Again, he has what he wanted. But this is a continuing journal of the MLC saga.

My life is good right now. New Guy is interesting and my job is going fairly well (grateful to have one, in this economy). I'm also in good shape physically.

Part of me wants to say to ILs "I told you so."

[peacetoday]

Forward

sorry your Xh is having medical issues right now
it is never easy to see someone we care about in pain
You are a true friend to him ans what a blessing
I didnt know you before but Im sure this is a huge step for any x wife especially under the MLCer situation
and on other side the universe has certainly taken care of you
and is giving you anoither chance at love with what seems like a truely positive and nice man
I would focus more on that to continue your walk forward
your Xh could use a friend and that you are, but a detatched friend..it still seems like he may have a million miles to go and while we each have the choice of how much energy we want to put into a relationship, and we will support you either way, you may want to consult your intuition or higher resources to decide what is best for you..I have my opinions, but each of us have to choose.
Peace

[forward]

Peace, At this time I am not interested in reconciling w/X. I have continued to post here because it is following the story through. This is a rather predictable ending that probably would have happened with or without the added illness.

I have to say that on the whole, I am not really interested in being friends w/X, either. I would help him because he is my D's dad and I have some gentle thoughts of him. But I don't have romantic thoughts any more.

Things have gone well with New Guy but I think I am kind of scared to get deeply involved. Not because of him, but because in general, a new relationship is rather intimidating.....