How much of GAL, should involve possible dating, when wife wants to divorce? I am finding women are coming out of wood work.
She hasn't brought up D. but she is very distant. W brought up a movie that we both like, and had possible plans to go together. Didn't hear from her, so sent a text (our only way of main contact), saying I was gonna to movie, would you like to join me? She declined. Said thanks, but busy. She was warm towards me at the first of the week, but now is blowing me off.. So I have been just being very nice. And only responding when she reaches out for something. It seems she has written me off, except for the dogs.
much of GAL, should involve possible dating, when wife wants to divorce?
It depends....if you want to try and save your M I suggest NONE. If you want to get divorced that any amount is acceptable.
Actually, another way to think about it is....how many dates would you allow your W to go on?
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I don't know if I just extract myself from her all together, or how do I show any changes, benefits, etc for this marriage, when she just wants to be "free"? I am venting here mostly. Need to get things out of my head. Jounaling I guess. All who have been through this and came out with their marriage intact, I wish to hear from.
W went to our house today, of course while I am at work, to do her laundry. We chatted a lot via txt, as usual, I am being very nice and supportive for her, nothing about R, just trying to be a friend. Again, am I a doormat? Still trying to get that movie date out of W.. Man she is good at just shutting out our past, or at least gives the impression.
I met with a Pastor yesterday, and discussed my situation to him, and he gave me some advise as far as asking her for forgiveness, for my actions towards her, and to not worry about her taking responsibility, just take responsibility for myself. in our relationship. He gave me some passages to read.. James 1:5 and Corinthians 13:4.. And we prayed. I guess my goal is is to talk with her soon and let her know that I did wrong and ask for her forgiveness. The pastor explained how saying sorry and saying we're wrong has a different meanings.
When our spouse walks away, we enter a form of desperation. We will do anything to initiate contact, open communication, be in the same place, etc.
She needs space. She wants space. When you try to engage her in a discussion, particularly one so meaningful as one of admitting wrong and asking for forgiveness, you appear to be pushing your agenda on her. No matter how well meaning - and let's be honest, at least part of the motivation for this is to appeal for leniency and clemency in the hope that she will reconsider her current path - the impression we send is that OUR needs and desires are more important than hers.
I understand your thinking. I thought the same way back in that day. But the truth is that this conversation will not suddenly transport you back to a life together. At best she would accept your words right now and continue on her path.
At worst she will feel pressured and her feelings disregarded and you will lose credibility with her.
The hardest thing to finally accept and grasp in the heat of this crisis is that there is ultimately only one thing that YOU can control.
You.
Nothing you say is going to win for you what you most want to win.
Actions still speak more loudly than words. Consistency, even in her separateness, is still an attractive and valued commodity for her.
You are to become the rock.
You have to care for yourself. You have to find yourself. You have to restore yourself. You have to be who you are and nothing else. You have to become a man of integrity and honor who desperately wants this woman in your life, but who will bear the burden of living without her to establish these things above.
Respect her by respecting yourself.
Take the focus OFF of her and the marriage, then put it squarely on the only thing you can effectively change.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Well my wife filed.. She told me yesterday, and that she didn't know that the papers needed to be served. But said she is gonna get that done. Pretty sad right now..
