New here, looking for help.

[MisterHopeful]

In the days before kids, I'm sure it was a blast to do that...

How much of that put the responsibility of child rearing on her ?

How much is a tolerable level for you ?

How much is a tolerable level for her ?

Now....take her out of that equation.....

and ask....

How much is a tolerable level for your children ?

These things, that were her complaints...

How are you approaching them now?

Are you changing for her ?

If you really listen to what she says , most walk away spouses have spoken their complaints, and we have chosen to ignore the validity of those complaints..

Changing them now, for the wrong reasons, could be considered manipulative...

How many of her complaints "stung" when you heard them ?

There is a saying here, that if something "stings", then there is truth in it...

What stung you Mr ?


And what are you willing to do about that sting ?

What i've done now is dialed back gaming about 95% +. The few times i've gamed have been when she's watching a TV show that I have no interest in. I'm also taking an interest in shows that I found 'ok' that she's interested in. She's actually been encouraging me to play more oddly enough. Saying she didn't want me to drop my hobby completely b/c I'll end up resenting her.... I dont feel that way but she does.
So right now the tolerance levels are, i have no idea, just kinda feeling my way through that one. At the moment, the only time I'm gaming is when the kids are in bed and my wife is watching one of her shows.
I know initially I was smothering her and got lots of "You're trying to hards" or "what you're doing is pushing me away's". Finding it hard to know WHAT to do as I'm trying to occupy myself so it doesn't appear i'm "trying to hard".
Am I doing this for her? I'd be lying to myself if I said no. But I know where you're going and I know that I'm doing a lot of it for me as well. I've known for years I gotta change my habits.
Things that stung the most were that:
1) "We live like room mates, might as well just be friends.."
2) Told that i'm lazy (it's true)
3) That i was too occupied in my virtual world, true as well.