Yes, she did earn my trust back. I tested her many times in the beginning about her commitment and she passed every time. I know without a doubt she wants this to be right. Jack, my W is the same in that she thought telling me about when OM contacted her would hurt me. I don't get upset that he contacts her, it was the deception that hurts.
Was a part of it deleting texts, and you being able to verify your trust by having access to her phone?
This isn't going to be easy, for you or her. You have ever right to be angry, but if you want to be married be smart...better boundaries that you're going to be able to enforce.
If she wants to work on this, then she should be willing to live with your boundaries regarding this, just make them from a logical place.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
More of the story. W came clean a little more over the weekend. When she came back, it was because she still felt something there for me, for the kids, and because of the mess of selling everything..... OM and W did not have any bad moment in their relationship... she told him that she was coming back to me and was going to meet all my needs and make it work. she thinks i am the greatest guy in the world.
I know that she never really processed what OM and her relationship meant and didn't want to talk about anything and I know that it just doesn't work that way. You can't sweep feelings under the rug and not expect them to re surface. Right now she doesn't feel any passion and the core connection isn't there. We are doing everything right. She doesn't want anything different from me and doesn't know how to get the connection and the passion back. She tries to meet my needs, but physically she has never got to where I want it to be. We kinda agreed divorce was best then this weekend and she did feel relieved.
I guess I don't know what to do anymore. I was committed to really working hard for 1 to 2 years and then see what it looked like. I know that she has always known I was there for her and has never felt like I moved on.
We have retro and 2 weeks and we are hoping to find answers or directions to take from that. Until then I guess I am just in limbo land again.
Good news though, my friend whom has been going through the exact same thing as me really thinks him and his W can work it out. They had a fake reconcilliation 3 months ago. Nothing had changed and he moved out and felt for sure it was over. 2 months ago she wanted it to work again and he denied denied denied. Finally she broke down, hit rock bottom. Came clean with everything, got on medication and started IC.
I really think that is the point where reconcillation can be successful. When both parties are really ready to break down all the walls, be 100% honest and be ready to move forward as a team. I wish him the best of luck because of course their will be some rocky roads ahead.
The physical needs...err wants, is there room for compromise there on your end?
T,
You're in limbo if you want to be, can use the time on yourself, go to retro and see what is going on, you can also take some comfort in your friend's situation, who is to say that your's might not mirror his?
I believe your idea about reconcilliation is correct as well. Do you think your wife hit rock bottom yet?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
No, I don't think she ever did hit rock bottom. For her OM had absolutly nothing to do with our initial breakup, and she said if he died tommorrow (fingers crossed) it wouldn't change the way she feels now. I agree that we had been doing the wrong things for years and our relationship could have never been fixed unless something dramatic happened. My W has been working with an IC and is really beginning to find herself. She has worked very hard, and the change is amazing. Sure I am willing to compromise on sex, I guess my biggest problem with her is she'll say we will do it tommorrow... and then the next night is we will do it tommorrow... that gets real old and frustrating for me. She has been crying sometimes during sex (because it doesn't feel right) although she still orgasms, so I pretty much said that we should stop.
That is one of the things that I have absolutely learned throughout this whole ordeal. Their is no room for excuses in my life. I can accomplish anything. I've made plenty of mistakes in my life and I try to learn from every one of them. I want the best for w and my three kids, and I am certain that it is me. But their comes a time when you just have to let go, move on and look to the future.
