i walk in the house and he is on the MAC again. i turned the computer off so we could talk for a minute without him looking at that smut and he pushed me out of the room, locked the door, and so then he's watching that disgusting stuff in our home and laughing at me! so he's all defiant now.
First of all, (((hugs))). We have all been through some kind of shock or bomb that puts that horrible feeling in your stomach and doesn't allow you to get any sleep...
You have several people trying to help you, but it must be confusing to be getting such different advice.
I quoted the portion at the top because the details of this can make a huge difference.
You said: You walked in and he was on the computer again. You didn't say: Was he looking at porn, or was he simply on the computer?
You said you turned the computer off. You didn't say if you walked over and did this with no warning (like his mother), or asked if you could turn it off so you could talk.
(I am guessing it was the latter, since you were then ushered from the room)
You said that he pushed you out of the room. You didn't say if he physically pushed you, or if he demanded you leave.
You say he locked the door, You didn't say if he said anything at all while doing this. Or what you were saying while this was happening.
You say that he is watching "that disgusting stuff" at your home and laughing at you. Is that perception, or is he actually laughing at you and telling you he can do what he wants?
This may seem nit-picky, but it really does make a difference. The word "addict" is being thrown around, and it is a strong word. If you believe this is the case, what evidence do you have that he is addicted?
It is just curious to me that this is relatively new, you have caught him once (maybe twice...not sure because I can't tell if you have now decided that each time he is on the computer that is what he is doing), and suddenly the "addict" label is being put here.
I know this is an emotional time for you, but the less emotion and more fact that you can put into your posts will help people to help you.
Hope that makes sense.
i am about to leave for my blood draw and the will speak with our priest by myself after. my h knows nothing of this im just doing it myself my own sanity. he was looking at a porn page and i just asked if we could talk about it, i was calm and said its important that i just wanted to try and understand. i wasn't acting like i was his mom i don't think before i finally turned the MAC off. he avoided my eyecontact and pushed me out not like a sharp shove, a steady push. he laughed but i cant tell what kind of laugh to describe it. it seemed defiant though. ok will let you know what our priest tells me. im on my way out now to the blood lab. i do apreciate the diferent advice and will wiegh it all, im just upset and my mind has been racing since i found out.
I imagine that it would upset, especially if it seems to come out of the blue. I'm glad you are going to talk to someone professional....I hope it is helpful.
wishing you peace and all good, sg
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
i got myslf tested and then talked to my priest. he suggested that i have understanding and forgivness for h and to go home to him with an open heart and see if he would come to church with me to talk to our priest together. when i got home, i asked my h to talk about what is bothering him so much and that i am trying to understand so we can be close again like we were. he said that he doesn't want to talk to anyone about anything right now and i said that maybe he could talk with our priest by himself then. that our priest is very calm and understanding. h started yelling at me for going behind his back to get spiritual guidence and then he really did shove me and he hit me on my shoulder as i turned to go out the door. i am back at the rddisson with some ice on the bruise and i feel such shame. im trying to reach my priest for the next avalable appointment but its so busy with all the holiday services and i know he's really busy. i am beside myself he has never laid a finger on me and maybe hes sick in the head or having a midlife crises. i have been crying and praying so hard and our priest heard my confession and prayed with me too. my h is so alien and a stranger to me now. how can somone change like a snap like that? my heart is in a milion pieces and i feel so alone.
I am praying for you right now. Like Bond said, you need to not be isolated while being careful.
I'm sorry you are feeling shame, but that shame isn't yours. Let that go. You should feel proud that you took good care of yourself and your behavior and went to talk to someone.
It ISN'T an impossible situation. YOU come first, because you need to take care of yourself if you're going to have a healthy relationship anyway.
Give your H and you some space. When you share this with someone like your priest or a family member (and you have to be careful doing that)...don't let it take on a life of its own.
Go slow.
It will be ok.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
im at my mom's now and will spend the night and thanksgiving tomorrow which is where we were anyway. my mom is shocked that we're having problms but is cool about not pushing me t explain just yet. happy thanksgiving and thank you everyone.
im up way to early this morning. i meet a friend from church for breakfast at 8:30 and then he will go with me to my house to see if my h will reasonable enough to talk to. h never called me while i was gone and i don't know what to expect but more of the same. i get my blood result on monday.
