I have to say, as a friend, it worries me sometimes how you keep focusing on what you have done and what you need to change. (This is based on a post you had back on page 3 or 4.)
K, maybe starting controversy here, I don't know. But it seems that the prevailing belief some DBers have is something along the lines of:
Your spouse left. You, as the LBS, must have some things to work on. Work on them for you. (Even though it's so easy to work on them for the WAS... blurry line...)
But what about this idea:
Your spouse left. S/he, as the WAS, has some major issues to work on. Abrupt leaving, no full explanations, dodging opennness... this indicates imbalance, instability. The LBS needs to get away and strengthen, heal, grow.
F**k "working on you"! It's not like you're a psychotic, overbearing megamonster. You don't need to monitor yourself to make sure you're being giving enough or being kind enough more than the average person.
We're at too vulnerable a place in our lives, I think, to introspect so much and try to improve so that we're worthy of a lasting relationship-- F that!
I believe in GAL. Have fun. Detach. Learn new things. Meet new people. Heal.
