I don't post anymore, and when I did, it was very sporadic. As I said, I got so much conflicting advice that it was doing me more harm than good, because I did not have the self-confidence to decide what would be best for ME.
Besides that, I cheated on my H long into all of this...and to some people (C_K, I mean Allen), that makes me someone that no one should ever listen to.
Funny thing, I have a lot of perspective to offer. And, I am in the middle of really healing the relationship with my XH. Every once in awhile, if something really resonates with me, I stick my neck out again.
I did it here because I remember how I, too, was paralysed by the conflicting advice. Finally, JTB got ahold of me and made me see that being a good person and being nice was never going to hurt matters, that I just had to make sure that I set and kept certain boundaries. I guess I didn't understand at the time that you can set boundaries with love. All the ones I had set at that point were out of hurt and anger (no wonder they didn't work!)
I am sure you can go all the way back and read my old threads. Just please understand that I have come a long way in my life, and would never ever repeat the mistakes of the past.
I know that not one size fits all; I am only sharing what worked for me. And yes, after many false starts and mix-ups, it is working. And I will say a prayer of thanks when my whole family (yep, XH too) is around the table in four more days.
Absolutely beautiful. At the end of the day, take the high road, the kind road.
