As you have seen, you can get advice from one person that is the exact opposite of another's. It used to happen to me all the time. I would get so confused as to what was "right" and what was "wrong" that I ended up not being true to myself.
Which approach speaks to you, Piano?
In my time, I was accused of letting my H be a cake-eater. I would listen to that, and end up getting angry at him, and worse yet, feeling justified in my anger. At those times, I would lash out and usually undo any of the good that I had done up until that point.
You know your H better than anyone on this board does. You know your history better than anyone as well. I see that you used to talk over him and had a little bit of a controlling streak (so did I..oh man, so did I).
What worked best for me was to fix the things that needed fixing...not for my H but for ME. After all, it really isn't nice to talk over people, and being too controlling is a problem. Of course, I wanted my H back, but I also wanted a better version of me.
I spent time with him and worked on our relationship by changing the things that I could change. I know you don't have that luxury, but you do have what the DB mod suggested- light and happy emails and pictures of your child.
That doesn't mean your life has to stop in the meantime. No one is advising that you put all your eggs in that basket and sit home and pine away and wait for email replies. You keep on living, but yes...leave that door a teeny bit open.
I firmly agree with "being the better option."
The key is to have no expectations, other than to continue to be a better you.
I am hopeful that your H will reply to your email and you can begin a friendly exchange. I am not saying a romantic exchange, but a friendly one. Let's face it, you are going to be in eachother's lives for at least 18 more years to some extent. At the very least, you can build a solid co-parenting relationship. Or more. Who knows?
Right now, you need to decide what is right for you. And then monitor the heck outta the results. Do what works, as they say around these parts.
P.S. I love that you realize that he is not ready to come home, nor are you ready to receive him. In looking back (see how long I have been here?) I am glad that we did not reconcile at the times I thought i was ready. It would not have worked.
