2 years later it's still not getting easier

[Nvrgivup]

Oh I get it, before the the "official" OM came into the picture, there were some times that my XW spent a little time with us. And I certainly know the feeling of being around her and seeing no love. Guarded and even a little deceptive. It is incredibly hard to feel a particular way about a person who not only doesn't feel the same way but seems to go out of her way sometimes to go overboard the other way? We lived "separated" in the same house for 2 years! Believe me I know what its like to be around that kind of situation.
I have also felt the need to meet somebody else. And have gone on a few dates. But honestly I'm not sure if I'm ready, and trying to force myself may not be the right way to go. And I do worry that the kids would have a tough time with it. They watched their mom for the last few years going out all the time, and now with a boyfriend I've seen them struggle with accepting that. Even with him around, by middle son (15) asked me the other day if I would move back into the house (we, actually she, has an empty suite in the basement) so that we could be more like a family again. I think because I remained dedicated to reconciliation for so long, and so obviously, and have basically given all my energy to the boys for so long now, that they have a certain trust and expectation that I will continue this way... it has me torn? I worry that if I got serious about somebody else I'd be betraying the trust they have in me? Its yet another hard set of decisions to make. All I know for sure is that my boys have to come first, and I'll need to figure a way to meet my own needs and balance that. It helps knowing that I'm not the only one struggling with it.