How do I deal with now he's overseas?

[Piano]

Clark and Db-mod.

To me you represent the two polar opposite ways of busting the affair/saving the marriage.

One, tough love (Dobson) and two, bo-peep/calm things down/be the better option.

It's important in every sitch to do weigh up all the information and conflicting advice, and do what WORKS. Not what makes our spouse happy or upset, but what will bring me closer to my GOAL.

My goals:

hopefully to save my M
but first and foremost save ME.
My H is not ready to come back home, I am not ready to receive him.
We both need to change.
And he needs to leave the OW who he is in love with and she is in love with him. I cannot control that in any way shape or another.
Meanwhile, I CAN make it tough on him financially. Not tough so much as what is FAIR. I need to protect my baby and me and our future. Quick smart.
And I would also like to keep my life options open by securing my citizenship, which is my due.