I can't do this alone

[Dagny-2]

I've been thinking a lot about Mach's post about my job isn't to nourish a relationship between the boys and their father, but to not interfere with it. H still asks me a lot about how to handle the boys and I feel I need to prompt him to spend time with them, but I guess I need to back off. I often ask when he is going to come see them, it is time for him to figure it out. I just fear that because S14 is so angry at him, H is going to take the easy way out and not pursue a R with his son. That is part of what kept me in TN these last few months and not moving back to PA.

Jack, I struggle with not condoing their father's actions (letting the boys know it is wrong, I want them to have a sense of right and wrong) and not badmouthing him. It seems like such a fine line to walk, I try and stress to them that their father loves them very much, as you are right, they do see my pain sometimes and try and protect me. Yesterday I was in a serious funk, feeling sorry for myself because we are moving and leaving an area I have come to love, so I made them get in the car and we had a day of fun in Nashville. Bitter sweet, but at least some sweet in it.

H came over today in a really foul mood, asking me why I am moving if I like it here. I told him we can't maintain 3 homes and this is what he wanted, he snapped at me that I'm the adult, I can make my own decisions. I don't get it, yes I am very sad to leave, but I do need to support myself and my job is in PA. I think he is projecting his anger onto me, but I would like to get in a place where I'm not concerned about his anger. Honestly, not quite there yet. I liked Jamesjohn's post on LRT. I think I should read that every morning.

Dagny