Thank you kissak - yes they do miss out....sad but true
Journaling - received the final draft of the SA from the Lawyer on Tuesday...sent my H an email asking him if he wants the L to email it to him directly (he is visiting OW this week) or if he would like to wait until he is back in town so we can go over it together. It was a courtesy email on my part, trying to stay friendly...didn't want the L just email...it seemed so cold... but guess what....no reply to that email at all in 2 days....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
CW - Thank you so much...thanks for the congrats...my girl is so happy...to get that car was a dream come through for her.... It was not a big deal to do all the work to find it for her...it was just that I'd always thought that this will be something that we will do as a family...that's how I envisioned it for the past number of years...and it is very sad that H wasn't there participating...I feel sad for my D....I know that she missed him being a part of it. Today she said "I know that Dad really wanted to be buying the car with me".
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Very little contact from H last week, accept for some cc emails about work....only few....obviously can't be working much while he is out of town visiting OW.
Where she lives is it's -20C that's -4F...that's darn cold....H hates cold. Also OW's H said that his wife's puppy was with him most of the week...she just dropped him off....my H doesn't want it around apparently.
Still no reply from H about my question if he wants the Separation Agreement e-mailed to him....I find that strange, because he was really pushing to have it ASAP...because as soon as I have it signed I would clean up the debts....and that's what he wants so he can borrow more.
I was just thinking the other day, I'm trying to separate from him financially, so I'm no longer liable for his debts....but if/when he wakes up he can be on my doorstep with a giant debt....don't even want to think about that scenario....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I was just thinking the other day, I'm trying to separate from him financially, so I'm no longer liable for his debts....but if/when he wakes up he can be on my doorstep with a giant debt....don't even want to think about that scenario....
I have thought of this too Mila...ugh! We sure don't have to let em' back in....lol! But, I will make darn sure that H knows it will be up to him to work extra or get a second job to pay down any MLC debt he occurs!!!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
How long has OW been in the picture? I don't remember when that started? Just thinking that things have to be becoming more tedious between them. Nothing like a puppy needing potty training to interrupt the mood.
Originally Posted By: Mila
I was just thinking the other day, I'm trying to separate from him financially, so I'm no longer liable for his debts....but if/when he wakes up he can be on my doorstep with a giant debt....don't even want to think about that scenario....
One baby step at a time, Mila. You have come far over the last 6 months. The important thing is to minimize the impact of H's financial decisions on you and D. If/when H wakes up, he (with or without your help) can explore the options for dealing with that.
I take comfort in what Jody said about how MLCers can return to their pre-MLC personality after the crisis is over and I think this applies many times over in your situation. You did NOT misread H all of those 38 years. Jody has a lot of experience counseling about MLC, so in my mind her opinion carries a lot of weight. I'm glad that you found her perspective comforting.
CW - I guess we are all in the same boat on the debt thing.....my H is quite frugal with his personal spending, but the business decisions he makes?...a whole other story....and here we are talking tens of thousands not just thousands.....and at our age?
GAG - H started the affair in April 2009 It was secret for 6 months...I discovered it end of September 2009. Then it was in and out...last time H told me it's over between them and that he wants to R was in April this year...and the affair was back on in May. So technically they were "free" from their spouses for the last 6 months. Still a fantasy IMO....they only visit each other about once a month for a week or two...they don't live together....no bills, no juggling kids, no child support, she has no job. But I think that the loses are mounting and the reality is setting in slowly.....
Thinking what it the strongest emotion that I feel towards my H right now....surprisingly it's empathy...I feel sorry for him
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Journaling - H is back in town. First email was asking me if it's OK if D came over for diner to his place tonight...kind of apologetic for not giving me much notice. I said no problem.
As there was still no reply to my Separation Agreement email from last week, I sent another one. This time he replied that I could email it to him, he will read through it and then we can talk about it when we meet. So my lawyer emailed it to him...just received a cc on it.
Earlier my D called me that her car won't start, told her that it's probably the battery (we knew that it may need a replacing) and that I'm coming with the jumper cables. She was worried that I will electrocute myself LOL since I've never done that before, so she called H as well, so all three of us meet in the school parking lot. Him big smile...hi...and I said I could have done it by myself...him "don't worry sweetie" and he took charge and got it started. D then invited him over to look at her new bird, he asked if it's OK with me, I said yes. H came over went to D's room, then she called me to help her with her other bird...so the 2 of us girls were chasing and playing with budgies while he observed. Then I went upstairs and he left in a bit...didn't say bye to me.
Oh and D told me that he asked her to pick him up at the airport... can't believe the nerve coming from visiting OW and asking his teen to pick him up? She couldn't anyway so he had to take a bus from the airport.
Way too much interaction with him today...I kept polite and nice even offered him some tea when he was visiting D...but it does disturb my peace seeing him and having to talk to him.
He irritated me by telling me what to do..."why didn't you ask the dealer to put the winter tires on D's car?" (Well I tried but they had no facilities there) Or telling me that I should have D's battery replaced and where to take it...why doesn't he bloody do something for her instead of telling me what to do and correcting and criticizing everything I do?
OK a bit of venting LOL....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
He irritated me by telling me what to do..."why didn't you ask the dealer to put the winter tires on D's car?" (Well I tried but they had no facilities there) Or telling me that I should have D's battery replaced and where to take it...why doesn't he bloody do something for her instead of telling me what to do and correcting and criticizing everything I do?
Probably that old control thing! My H likes to offer "advice" too! Sounds like you did ok with the interraction especially knowing he had just gotten back from seeing OW!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Men are just wired to offer that kind of advice, aren't they? These WAHs just don't hear what it sounds like when it comes from someone who abandoned their family.
