Once he stops hurting you, stops lying, stops making excuses for himself, stops this ridiculous addictive fantasy
You have to give up the fantasy that he will stop based on your actions (or boundaries disguised as control)
He may. But if it is not his choice he will be right back at the bar.
Once you have protected yourself then...(real boundaries to protect you and your child)
Let him figure it out.
Placing faith in the fact that anything you do will get an addict to do something they haven't decided to do themselves is going down a path to codependency.
Meaning, you become consumed in trying to stop or control the behavior or begin enabling it or denying the problem.
You will end up frustrated, bitter and angry.
I speak from direct experience with this with substance abuse.
That is if you accept the theory that an affair is an addiction to the degree that substance abuse can manifest itself.
IOW there is no physical dependency on the chemicals that run through your brain when you are engaged in an affair.
If you stop drinking when you are abusing alcohol so badly you can die from the physical addiction your body has gotten use to.
So my point?
YOU decide what continues to cause you pain. You will get there anyway. If you waste your time trying to control an addict(and in this case a WAS) once you have told them you will not accept it in your life then it will keep you from your own path to healing and happiness.
How long you wait while your partner is in this "Fog" is up to you and a personal choice IMO so don't let anyone tell you when to do that.
And I don't believe it is anyone's place to take away your faith in that.
Just my opinion based on my experience.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
