Pie's Story - he's comfortable again

[Albuquerque]

Pie,

I'm sorry you're having a rough patch. Your situation sounds SO much like mine did. My H was always coming around even though I KNEW he had just walked off the plane after spending a week with OW. You need to really look inside yourself and decide what you want out of your M. Do you still want to stand? I get the sense that you do. If so, then Pie, I'm afraid you need to get used to this. You need to come to terms with the fact that they WILL cake eat (in a sense) and there's nothing you can do about it unless you're willing to make some serious waves. Detaching is key to maintaining your sanity but is SO helpful because if your H ever does try to R, detachment will STILL be necessary as I'm learning.

THEY dont understand themselves so there's no way YOU will ever understand their actions. I think you know there's no reason trying. And yet if you look at your actions, that's what you continue to try to do. You MUST detach. Asking your H about his feelings is NOT detaching. It is pursuing. STOP. Do not talk about yourself unless asked. Do not ask about HIS feelings. Converse with H about stuff he brings up only.

Get used to the fact that he may show up or he may not. Expect nothing and you won't have your hopes dashed. Don't worry if he withdraws. He's crazy. Keep reminding yourself that. When and IF he wants to talk seriously about R, then that will change the situation. But until he's totally ready, he's probably going to be very unpredictable.

My own H continues to make no sense. He recently spent several days out of town where we talked and texted and had horrible sexual tension where we were damning the distance between us. Now that he's back in town and I've "offered" several times, he has kept his distance. Makes no sense and it would be very easy to take that personally. I choose not too. I realize he probably doesn't understand himself either and that is far worse than the situation I'm in.

Keep the fact that he wants to keep you as a part of your life as a positive. Remember that the OW is a symptom, not a replacement. Realize that trying to get an answer out of your H is futile and trying to set boundaries like that is most likely futile. Relax, detach. Keep focus on yourself and your S. (((Pie)))