She says seperate or divorce after her affair help

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I have also been given advice to fully go after the situation with no contact letters and exposing the affair. I am currently observing for futher evidence it is ongoing. I feel like it is a fine line between pushing her away forever and the backing off method and the 180's. What to do. How aggressive to be to save this. She currently says she does not want to give up her privacy meaning tell me where she is all the time give me email access. She says it is over and cried for real like a teenager that had been dumped when she said it. Is this the fog of the affair is it part WAW and midlife crisis. What is the best way or is there no best way???