BR, why not take flowers to her work with a short, sweet card that says something like you love her. In 21 yrs of marriage I have only gotten flower twice. If she likes flowers, then go for it
Whatever you put on the card let it be real. By all means leave a card you don't want her to attribute your gift to someone else. Pick the flowers she likes. If she is unpacking flowers for VD on a second job she might be a little sick of seeing and smelling them.
Tell her that to you no flower could look better than her even on a bad day nor will their perfume match the aroma of your love making. But don't say that if you don't mean it for the rest of your life come heaven or hell.
Well folks, I gave her some flowers and a card. Bad from a DB point of view. She thanked me and then said she didn't think we were doing anything this year. She then went on to say that I NEVER really showed anything on this day anyway so why would I do it now? Excuse the language folks but I don't know what that b!tch thinks she's talking about. Over the past 9 years, I've made a production of this day. I spent money I really shouldn't have, sent stuff to her at work and this is my reward a sh!tty comment like that. I guess the DB book was right. I didn't expect anything from her but I didn't expect a comment like that.
She then asked why was I up so early. After her smart comment, I decided to accept and invite to breakfast with a friend. A faux VD breakfast. My friend feels sorry for me and thinks W is a @#$#@@. As we were leaving, she insisted that I pull out before her. I guess she didn't want me following her to wherever she's going. According to intel, she pulled out seconds after I left.
To top things off, she told me her hours were going to be 8 to 4. Now, she tells the D that her hours are 11 to 7. Why would she need to leave nearly 4 hours early. I feel like a damn fool right now. I may have put money in her hands to go and hang out with cart boy or someone else.
Right now, I hate her azz. I shouldn't but I do. I think I will accept another invite to hang out with some of the "lonely" ladies tonight for drinks rather than stay home.
I don't know why the W copped such a nasty attitude. But, I won't let it ruin my day I hope.....
After getting kicked in the crotch by W. I met friend for breakfast. It was cool and I received the only VD present I was going to get. A bottle of Appleton Rum. One of my favorites. I got home a couple hours later when the phone started to ring. It was W on the line. D answered the phone and talked to mommy. I asked her what her mom wanted and she told me that she said she was checking on her and then asked was I home and when did I get back. I don't know why she feels the need to check on D. There was a stretch when she was @ home sick for a week and W never checked in on her.
Later I went to visit my folks and drop off VD cards. To my surprise, mom didn't give me a card this year. That hurt. The only woman that gives a rats butt about me didn't give me a card. In the past, I wouldn't have cared but this year.... Dad told me he wasn't my Valentine but he gave me a case of beer and told me to relax and drink it while watching Nascar.
Later in the afternoon, I took D to my lunch stop off for a VD dinner. While there, a waitress that flirts all the time was on duty. I hadn't been there for awhile so she asked questions and such. She's a good PMA booster and lets me know that I still have it. Granted, she's a couple years younger. After she left, D said she could tell that "lady likes you. You should think about dating her." That from a 13 year old. I couldn't believe she was giving me "permission" to date on her mother. While we wer out, my cell kept ringing. It was W asking where we were blah blah. She then called back to tell me she was going to get her nails done. I'm all to happy to provide for that.
When we got home, W started to chit chat. Normally, when I get hurt, I don't talk and shut down. I somewhat did that but decided that's what I would have done in the past. I then decided I was going to accept part two of my breakfast friend's offer to go out later with her and 2 of her friends. I took a shower, dressed up and split. W was acting as if she were sleep. I threw on a new scent picked up and I was out. I had my drinks but then caught a headache. I rarely get headaches so I opted to go home. The plan was for us to get a couple drinks and head to the movies and then to the friend's house.
I guess the headache was God's way to short out my mind and send me home. I'm not dumb and I know this lady wants into BR's draws. I suspect one of her friends does too. The way they started ordering up another favorite drink of mine, Woodford Reserve, I knew what was going to happen. To be honest, I was ok with that. I was mad at W and the whole VD thing, I would have crossed the line with one or both of these ladies. Just because W may have crossed the line doesn't mean BR has to.
I just came home jumped in the sack and watched back to back episodes of cheaters. Yesterday, W was getting ready to go to work and asked if she could take the rest of lasgna I made for lunch. I asked her to leave half to which she got an attitude and told me to forget it. To be honest, I didn't want to feed her friends who may/does include cart boy. In the past, she's asked me to put together a lunch for 3 folks and drop it off. I discovered one of the lunches was for cart boy. Had I known that I would have.......
Well, I'm not feeding him. I then was paying bills and noticed W's cell phone bill. Once again, there was a flurry of calls to cart boys phone number. He lives in a town south of here. I then noticed a pattern, W seems to call this mutt on the last 4 days of the month and then nothing. I can't figure that out unless those days cart boy's SO if there is one is gone. I then noticed that she calls her own pager a lot. This of course is a pisser too. I decided that I'm going to start short paying the phone bill by the cost of the pager until I get more intel on who she has given her pager to.
W is in left field, she can get her nails done, pay high cell phone bills but she can't get her own D new glasses. She's out for herself to say the least. She came home with the chit chat and telling me how bad her day was again. I listened as always.
Not much else happened unfortunately. Well, I guess I'll go back to bed. Pres day off. W started her car and sat in the garage on idle for 7 minutes with the door down. I was getting up to see if there was a hose in her car but she finally raised the door and left. Most likely making call on cell phone again.
Things in BR's home aren't any better than the last report. Things are going a little worse I think. W is mad a me but isn't saying why. D said mommy may be mad at me because I simply came home. I don't think that's it. Over the past couple days, S has been sick. As W is at Sams or her friends house helping her family while neglecting ours, I'm the care giver. I've been in this role for over 4 years so who cares. When S get sick, he gets puny. He goes from wannabe tough guy to baby. For some reason, he doesn't want to sleep in his room. He would rather bunk on the floor in my/our room. He usually does this when he's scared of something. A couple nights ago, he told me how much he hated the house and the dog W brought in here. He also said how much he didn't like mommy "trying to force" him to sleep with her. The other morning, S wasn't doing too well but he was trying to go to school. He really didn't want to stay home by himself. I didn't see W offer to stay with him. When he came home, he was out of it. I let him crash in our room. W comes back from work and has the nerve to wake him up "to see how he was." You don't wake a sleeping sick child to check on him. You let him sleep. The next thing you know, she's asking him to sleep with her which he refused. Last night, it was just me and him. We went out and he was saying how much he's beginning to want to leave the house and live with his dad. I knew this was coming. Mommy is smothering him. When he heard the garage door coming up, he bolted upstairs to our room and pretended to be sleep in hopes W wouldn't try to get him to sleep with her. No luck, she asked him again. He felt bad and asked me if I would feel bad if he did. Of course, I'm a grown man and put the kid's feeling ahead of mine most the time. Well, he watches rasslin' with me and waits to she goes to sleep and doesn't go in with her. This morning, not only did she not leave a cup of coffee, she leave a couple drops. The kids were amazed at that.
I don't have a clue where she is. I'm sure she thinks I'm turning the kids against her. It's her action that cause that. She checked out of the family over a 1 1/2 years ago when she started her job. She in my opinion is a plethora of abreviations, she's a WAW, WAM(walk away mom) trying to ease back in and of course she's going through a MLC. A woman in her 30's shouldn't thrill to going out to celebrate a person who just turned 21.
On the upside, BR is going out for drinks with the gang tonight, then bowling/movies and perhaps to one of the gang's house to play cards, drink and howl at the moon. I told mum about my plans to which she lectured me that I am still married and need to be careful. I think I want to get out amongst people who want and can tolerate my presence.
I don't have a clue as to how to convince W she needs to work on her relationship with the kids. If I told her 1/2 the stuff they say, she would be crushed and mad at me for "making it up." Intel also suggest W has crunched numbers and found out she CAN NOT keep the house, spend any reasonable time with the kids and keep her health up. I feel a little bad but then again, I don't. This episode is on her. Maybe cart boy or the gang at the club will help.
Not.....Too much bandwith used. Had to put my thoughts into writing.
I think I'm half way understand it Anette. A friend kind of explained it to me. She thinks W is lonely in her sleeping sitch that's why she wants the boy sleeping in the same room as her. She doesn't want him in the same bed or anything by all means. Sometimes, I feel sorry for her but other times, I don't. I helped get her in this situation, I can't do all the work to get her out of it. I'm wondering if guys like the cart boy aren't panning out. She said something the other day that struck me. She said she was tired of people not liking her for who she was, just her rack. I want more from her than a rack but she can't see that.
I'm about to leave for the better part of the night. I thought I would check the thread. I decided I was going out with some of the ladies from work for drinks and bowling and or a movie. I'll leave W home with the S she thinks I'm trying to turn against her. He asked that I not go and leave him there with her. What can I do? I need a life and perhaps they'll really talk. I have the scents on and my new ear ring. I think I look nice. W is looking at me but isn't saying much. I packed my RON (remain overnight)bag just in case. My cousin and her hubby live a few doors down from one of the ladies where I'll park the car. I'm not driving so I may let loose. If I stay out, I'm not sure if I will mention I went out with friends but I'm sleepin' on the couch in cuz's house. Make her wonder....
BR is not feeling well today. Both myself and S are down for the count. I think I may have strep but I'm not sure. I'll let the doctor tell me later today.
I went out for my little outing on Friday but didn't stay out very late. I was home by 1:00AM. W was pretending to be asleep when I came in so I breezed past her. The next day, the kids told me mommy was pizzed at me. I was told she was mad because I didn't tell her what/where I was going/doing and with who. They told me she asked them questions and such. To top things off, she was mad because I didn't get it approved with her. She said this is what she has to do. Well, she does have to let me know of her plans. If I'm watching "her kids" as she likes to call them then she does have to tell me at least the when's of the plan. The who and where may not be the truth so I don't really need to know those.
I got the cold shoulder the entire weekend. On Sunday, I left to meet a customer. Of course, I didn't tell her the what and wheres of the mission. She was short and cold as I left. When I got back, I laid in the bed and watched Nascar. I fell asleep. I rolled over about an hour later and there was someone in the bed with me....No, it wasn't the W as I had hoped. The S had crawled in with his sick butt. W came in and looked and kept moving. I'm sure that made her mad but I didn't invite him in.
W later decided she was going to go out for a couple hours. She didn't tell me anything of it and made a broadcast that she was leaving to the kids and made it sound as if she was going to be gone late. I knew she was going to meet a girl friend and then hook up with another for maybe and drink and a trip to Wally World. I think I was supposed to object and ask questions as I would in the past. I just let it slide. I don't think that made her too happy as I woke up to a dry coffee pot.......
This 180 stuff is semi-working but I need a new strategy. Her being angry and curious may be a good sign. It's time to try and pull her in if possible. If not well.... My mom was telling me if she was in W's place, giving her the Vday stuff would have made her feel guilty and bring up memories of the past. That wasn't my intention. We'll see what happens later.
Br has been off the air for a little bit. A few things have happened over the break. A couple weeks ago, BR goes to the doctor thinking he has strep. Turns out he had an ear infection and to top it off pink eye. Because of that, I couldn't go to work. I stayed home a couple days with S who was also sick. It was cool the boys just laying around doing nothing but watching tv. The downside, my doc feeling my glands found something in BR's neck that was inflamed. Long story short, time to go for ultrasound. I took down the instruction on where to go and forgot it on the counter. W comes in and see the notes. She asks what was this about. I tell her it was for a physical. She looked at me and told me I was lying. Of course, I repeated my statement. She then looked at me and told me I was lying again and I forgot she's in the medical biz and deals with the place I had to go. She insisted on knowing what was going on. I told her and she softened to me. We talked and my macho dropped and I was a little worried. She reassured and such. But she then caught herself caring and dropped back. A few days later, I went to get my MRI. I hate to admit it but I was scared. I was on one of the first planes flying after 9-11 and I wasn't as worried as this test. I was sad that I was going by myself. I saw guys in the waiting room with their women. W doesn't usually go to the doctor with me. For that matter, I rarely have to go to the doctor. W came home the day interested in my test. I told her all about it and she pulled back again. A couple days later, she asked had I heard anything. She offered to call someone to get my films looked at quicker. I declined and she got mad. I then started getting emails asking if I called. I of course hadn't. I don't want the added stress right now. She copped a tude over this. I looked on WebMD for my little inflamation and found the sypmtoms somewhat match me but they seem to match W point for point including the depression, mood swings and best of all, the frequent and extended periods she's been having. I wonder how I can get her this data?
After not calling the doctor, she got a little cold to me. Tonight was a little strange. She asked me to spread a cream over her upper back and shoulders. I was flattered she asked me to do this. I of course did what I was asked but I thought I had a chance to touch her. I put the cream on with my feather touch and I could see she was reacting to it. She didn't stop me. I started doing just a bit more and boooom. One of the kids comes in. Dayum. Bad timing. She let me finish and thanked me.
Later, The Sopranos came on. This was our show. I somehwat liken myself to Tony. A big guy with some of the thoughts and behavior he has. Not the killing or the cheating. But the family stuff and a few other things. As much as I hate to admit it, the charactor along with W convinced me to go on happy pills. I forgot Tony was getting a D. W was laying there a little uncomfortable. There was scene where the wife was saying Furio made her feel important and such. I was thinking that may be the way W felt about the cart boy when I let her down. I felt crappy. There were other things in the story that parralled our lives including the kids having a hard time with the separation. W was peaking over at me. I could see her in the mirror. It's amazing how these things just seem to happen out of nowhere. I think it gave W as well as myself a couple things to think of.
BR: I hope you find out soon what the results were. Keep us all posted.
I think that was a huge step for your wife to invite you into her private world by asking you to put cream on her back. She was inviting you to love her with your hands (HD people love all forms of physical touch). Build on this step by asking her tonight if she needs more cream. Send the message loud and clear that you want to touch her and that you enjoy it and crave it. THIS is what will melt her and make a difference in your situation.
Hope your neck feels better and please post what they found as soon as you can!
