Fix me, fix my life, win back my wife

[Truegritter]

I got angry at times and told my W that she isn't even trying to see the changes in me

You are not going to talk your way out of something you acted your way into.

Actions.

Not words.

I've been trying to talk myself out of loving her...so that it won't hurt so bad when she leaves or asks me to leave

I understand why you might think this

BUT

It is not the answer IMO. You must detach from the emotions that all this is causing you. It is breeding fear in you and you will not be able to make good decisions for you and your M from a place of fear and emotion.

This is very hard to do SIC. Some suggestions are to stop yourslef when you feel the emotions and try to control them from running around in your head like a dump truck through a nitroglycerin plant.

This should be one of your goals:

to detach.