HP. I read your thoughts on VD. I'm somewhat leaning towards getting W something. Today. My attitude towards her may change in a 10 minutes. What Big Red and Hair Dog said somewhat rings in my ears. I don't know if I'll find a card that will mirror our sitch. I also worry about rejection. My friend at work says to get her some fancy underwear. I don't know about that one. I may get her a spa gift cert and a card with some type of note in it. Again, that's how I feel right now. I'm sure she'll do something else to make me mad and I'll change.
Today, she showed her softer side twice. Once this morning and just a little bit ago. She woke me up at 5:30 this morning. She wanted to tell me a dream she had about our pet we had to have put down for health reasons. As dumb as it sounds for a guy like me, 6'1" roughly 275lbs that has a favorite shirt that features a skull on it to feel sad about that cat. I miss the cat and wake up feeling her sleeping on my chest like she used to. I get up in the night dodging her hoping I don't step on her or she goes for my feet. Anyway, she was tearing up about the dream that showed the cat as a kitten in heaven playing with other cats. I listened and so on. When she left the room, she didn't do that bumpin' and bloopin' act. Tonight, she came home and was doing her pacing thing running up and down the stairs. I went up and she started telling me about her job and her fears that she won't be able to do it. I know she can but..... I listened and she started crying. I told her that I thought she was the best at what she did. At that point, I forgot about the anger I had with her for the past couple days. IMHO, we connected a little bit. We talked just like the old days. It was cool that she opened up to me about things. She hasn't done that for awhile.
Back to the point. Other than the gift cert which a couple ladies on the job said was not personal enough, I don't have an idea. I don't think I want to buy her fancy drawers.
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect. -An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
You probably already know this, but if she is the typical women, she wants to talk about her fears with you, but does not want any solutions. This is something I have to learn better, that women like to talk about things, but are not normally looking for a solution, they are looking for empathy. They want us to understand their plights, while not really trying to give them advice on how to handle it. Even encouragment is not always wanted. The want us to UNDERSTAND their feelings. (This is hard for guys).
You probably already know this, but if she is the typical women, she wants to talk about her fears with you, but does not want any solutions. This is something I have to learn better, that women like to talk about things, but are not normally looking for a solution, they are looking for empathy. They want us to understand their plights, while not really trying to give them advice on how to handle it. Even encouragment is not always wanted. The want us to UNDERSTAND their feelings. (This is hard for guys).
Good Luck!
NOPkins, negative on the hug. I should have. When we first started talking, I was sitting on the other end of the bed with her sitting at the foot. The kids kept coming up to be nosey so I got up to close the door. I then sat next to her on the bed. At that point, I think I tripped her BR proximity alert. She got up and moved across the room and continued to talk. This told me that a hug may not be in order. After she changed, she came and sat down next to me for a couple minutes to put her socks on. I think that was major in it's self that she changed her mind and sat down next to mo.
CeMar, fortunately, I didn't give her any advice on how to deal with her job. At least not that much. One of the problems on the job is a person who is very close to my family. I gave a little advice on dealing with her. I agree that she didn't really want soulutions from me. She said she had talked to a dude on her job who helped her put part of her day in perspective. I don't think she's ever wanted to take my advice unless she hears it a second time from someone else. I simply do what I do very well (with other people not her she says) and that's to listen. I'm going to send her an email to see how she's doing today.
This morning, she came in got together and left quietly including turning the lights off. She even left the pot on. She reminds me of Pavlov's dog, I offer positive stimuli, she repsonds in the positive? Well not exactly but still....
I thought, being a girlie girl I can give you my opinion about a VD gift. First off...DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT BUY HER UNDERWARE! That must be the dummest idea ever! That gift is saying "SEX" and even though I , as a very sexually starved woman would take it, given the sex implication, I still would think is immature. If your wife is the LD one, she will see it as an aggression.
On gift giving for a woman, the more personalized the better. The gift certificate on a Spa is not such a bad idea, but maybe get her a SPA package, actually choose the one for her. For example, if she likes feet massages, then get her one that includes a pedicure and a massage. You get my meaning. You can also accompany it with something that is a little more personal, like a CD you burned with all her favorite song. Itunes sell individual songs for 99 cents or her favorite something, even if it is small. On the card part. Just buy one without any words in it and write a couple of lines telling her you love her.
I know you say that your good intentions can go to hell in any second if she start acting badly towards you, but you know what? sometimes you have to love uncondicionally. Buy her the VD gift and card no matter how good or bad she behaves. You never know, it can turns things around.
I thought, being a girlie girl I can give you my opinion about a VD gift. First off...DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT BUY HER UNDERWARE! That must be the dummest idea ever! That gift is saying "SEX" and even though I , as a very sexually starved woman would take it, given the sex implication, I still would think is immature. If your wife is the LD one, she will see it as an aggression.
On gift giving for a woman, the more personalized the better. The gift certificate on a Spa is not such a bad idea, but maybe get her a SPA package, actually choose the one for her. For example, if she likes feet massages, then get her one that includes a pedicure and a massage. You get my meaning. You can also accompany it with something that is a little more personal, like a CD you burned with all her favorite song. Itunes sell individual songs for 99 cents or her favorite something, even if it is small. On the card part. Just buy one without any words in it and write a couple of lines telling her you love her.
I know you say that your good intentions can go to hell in any second if she start acting badly towards you, but you know what? sometimes you have to love uncondicionally. Buy her the VD gift and card no matter how good or bad she behaves. You never know, it can turns things around.
MSM. I think I will go with the gift cert. It's something she can use that's personal but at the same time, I can play it off if things go south. I saw a thread in the New Comers that was along the same lines as my question. It was informative. I think I'll go out and buy the cert and card tomorrow and trash the receipt before I change my mind. I'm sure she'll do something that will cheese me off before Saturday. Thanks for the advice.
As long as I'm here, I may as well update.
I think Friday's activities may have been a small step from her. Maybe. During the day, I sent her an email asking her how things were going and told her she should do the best she can and I that she's was given her new job because they know she can handle it and more. She replied with just a thanks and told me her days was going better.
After work, I accepted an invite from some of the ladies in my cubicle hood to go out for drinks. We went to the pub and I transfered to my friend's van to ride with her to get her sister and cash her tax check. She wanted someone BR sized to be with her while she had a lot of cash. While I was getting into her mommy wagon, I felt eyes on me. I didn't do a lot of looking as I didn't want who ever it was to be tipped off and hide from me. I never saw who it was but I saw a sheriff's car leaving the lot on the far side. One of her anti-BR friends is a deputy. On the way back to the pub, W calls me on the cell phone. The ladies decided it would be best to be quite as they may get me in trouble. W I think heard one of them speaking anyway. I didn't really care as I had nothing to hide. One of her first questions was where was I and who was I drinking with. She dropped my cousins name. I told her that I was with folks from work. I think that may have been a lie test best on fresh intel that may have reached her. "Hey -----, I just saw ----- meeting a lady in a parking lot at ---- and riding off with her.
She said she had called work to talk to me as she thought I was working late. She then told me about her day and we did some chit chat. I think she was saying stuff to gauge my reaction as well. Friday was her big overnight with her friend or at least that's what she said she would be doing. As the call was ending, she hung on the phone for a few seconds longer as if she were waiting for me to say something. My friends were hitting me and mouthing for me to say ILY to her. After a few quite seconds, she just said bye. I don't know if that was what she was looking for or not.
My evening ended at a decent hour as the kids were at home by themselves. Yesterday, she came in and was really nice to me. This morning, she came in a little noisy but left quite leaving the coffee pot on. She came home and was a little tense and quite. Not much talk of any kind tonight. We'll see what happens next. I think a ball may be in my court but I don't know my next move. I'll try to hold my mood steady, I had a couple mood swings today to the point where for some reason I couldn't stand her.
BR update. BR just left a post in another thread regarding VD. This shows his true Gemini side. On one hand, he wonders why folks think VD is a love making day. On the other, he feels bummed because he most likely won't be doing any of this. One reason is the probs me and the W are having. The second is her red visitor is back in town. I've never seen a woman with irregular cycles like this. I haven't seen this in a few years. Maybe it's time for her to change her birth control or something again.
Last night, W came in while BR was laying on the bed watching TV. I had mood/sleep candles burning and the lights dimmed. W came in and spoke and told of her day and such. She then went in the bathroom and came out asking who took a shower. To help me sleep and add mystery, I started taking long showers in the evening. I refrained from doing that 3 years ago because W would think I was cheating and had to take a shower.
I told her I took the shower and asked why. She said I left a wet spot on the floor and it got her socks wet. She then kicked up her foot on the bed and told me to feel it. That was what I think a direct attempt to see how I would react. I of course felt it for awhile as that's my thing. She then pulled back and changed socks while I watched. I think she saw me watching. I looked over and one of the kids was in the door. I think that may have stopped something. I don't know. We talked a little more and she conked out. This morning, she was quiet and left the coffee pot on.
I wonder what would have happened if the girl wasn't in the door and W's period wasn't due? I got an email at work from daughter. She said she saw mommy put her foot on the bed. She said that she knows mommy knows I like the foot. She said mommy may have been testing.
I was hoping for a little repeat tonight but W is not home and looks as if she will be in later than usual tonight. Oh well, I'll just go to bed and see what happens. BR is tired and is thinking of calling off from work tomorrow. Nascar is on and he would like to watch it. A client offered BR a comp to go to a Nasar race at a track named after the company he is a liason with. But that's for a thread on the Nascar board.
Hi BR. Clue to irregular periods, might be fibroids. Mean, nasty sex killers. My peroid went haywire with pain, mood swings and out of control weight gain. I needed surgery to get mine under control. W should have that checked out ASAP.
Sorry to sound like an old grandmother, feeling real down. VD is 11th anniversary and H says making love to me was like having sex with a mummified corspe. Has something to do with me not making a lot of noise doing sex. I don't make a lot of noise, lots of reasons, 1st H teased me about at a party in front of all our friends and family; Kids banging on the door asking if Daddy was hurting Momma; sneaking around sex where to make noise would ensure getting caught; to just plain lying there enjoying to flight and getting lost in the momment. Besides what he wants me to say is cussin'. You know like: Come on MF. I don't be thinking that, I be thinking how warm, how smooth, how wonderful.
I hadn't thought of the fibroid thing with W. Her mood swings are famous in the house. She also seems to have her red visitor more than what I would think is normal. If she's not full on, I think she says she's spotting. That may explain her discomfort when we finally go back to doing things at the end of last summer. She said it hurt to be in her and stuff that would make a guy's ego pop.
As long as I'm here, I may as well ask the opinion of others. Today, BR decided to call in sick He spent most of yesterday building a chain of symptoms so he could stay home and watch Nascar.
W came home last night mad because she had to unpack roses at her 2nd job. I asked her how much were they and she mentioned carnations as well. I know she really doesn't dig roses. She stayed and talked for a few minutes and left the room. I guess that's why she came in later last night. She left this morning quiet and didn't try he wake BR up game although I was up.
I then started to think, what would happen if I dropped flowers off at W's work today. She doesn't know I'm off as far as I know. If I did this, should I put my name on them or just drop them off. If I do write something down, what should I say??
