I think you two need it pronto. You are both acting out against the other because you are so danged mad at each other. You know that this will not getcha anywhere.
You are acting out by having conversations with the kids which foster an Us against Her mentality in your house. This causes her to cling to them even more and direct her kindness and love languages towards her kids instead of her husband (as is the case with her wanting to sleep in the loft with the boy).
She, of course, is acting out with the mysterious phone calls and her anger towards you.
You need some kind of "in" with her. A way to reconnect with her cause what you're doing AINT WORKIN. The counseling would at least get you two talking to each other and that would be a good start. From there, perhaps you can progress on to a family night out for pizza and then maybe from there to a date just for the two of you. You must take action and take it soon. I see her getting wilder and wilder and losing her grasp on your family life.
As far as VD is concerned, by all means YES get her a card and a small gift if that is what you normally do. If you can't find a card that says, Stop being a dumbazz and chasing after cart boys, then just get a blank card and make your own message. Ok that was a joke about the cart boy stuff but really blank cards are a lifesaver sometimes.
