Hey MP, great topic for discussion. I think it's important to validate other's feelings AND their opinions too, for a couple of reasons:
- We validate to show others we believe in their right to have their own thoughts, feelings and opinions about the way they perceive the world (and that is, indeed, a right). - I think it's also important to do because it's a significant expression of our faith/belief in their abilities to cope and problem-solve. - And, I think when we stop validating others feelings and opinions, it makes it harder for that person to trust their feelings and opinions themselves. Thus, how can they ever find the internal strength to solve their own problems, make choices about what's best for them, discover what makes them happy in the world... gosh the list goes on.
We may believe another's feeling(s) might be irrational, but within their frame of reference, that feeling may have been completely rational... for example, a way of helping them protect themselves from pain. Now of course, that doesn't mean that particular feeling might be a healthy one. But to not validate, or, to actively invalidate (ie 'you shouldn't feel that way') takes the control and responsibility away from that person, to feel their emotions so that they CAN learn from them, grow or change them. Sometimes people need to experience the pain and repercussions of their feelings enough (irrational or otherwise), before they're ABLE to create change in their lives.
So, IMHO, by telling someone that they 'shouldn't' feel or think any particular way, we're actually getting in the way of their own emotional and psychological growth.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
