Thanks, Piano. I hope things get better. I don't know how you feel, but I feel as if there is a hole in my chest all of the time. I miss my son and I miss my husband, and I miss the time we spent together. My heart goes out to you with a nb. I hope you have a good support system!
One thing I am struggling with today, and would love advice on, is the whole 180 process. I am currently trying to drop the rope, or at least faking it momentarily (b/c I am sure it is obvious that my mind is not there yet.) I agree with those that say this is best for me, especially as long as he is involved with the OW. In the past two years, and especially since finding out about the affair (last 6 mos.) I have definitely become too needy and dependent on him. Letting him know that I was afraid of life without him. Prior to this I had always been pretty independent. I want to use this time to help accomplish some of the things that made me feel dependent on him- feeling insecure as a new mom, putting on weight after the pregnancy, trying to balance work and home life, finances. These are things that I need to fix to be happy, before I would ever have a happy relationship - with my husband or anyone else. I am aware of mistakes that I made in the marriage though. One of those mistakes is not letting him know that I did value our relationship. When he first dropped the ILYBNILWY bomb on me, I remember him saying what do you care anyway you don't love me. I was sorry that he felt this way. It's not true, and I wished I had shown him more. Is there a way to balance detaching with 180? For example, last night he picked up my son to take up to MIL. I have not initiated a phone call in two days, but I called to check in on my son. He did not answer the phone. I was getting ready to meet friends for dinner, and I decided to leave my phone in the car b/c I wanted to focus on enjoying my friends and not whether he called me back or not. I ended up staying at the pub for 3 hours. When I got back to the car he had called 4 times. I felt bad, b/c one thing that has bothered him in our relationship is that I have never been good about answering my cell phone. I am glad that I detached and did not let this affect my dinner, but I also want to change and prepare myself to be a better person in the relationship. How do I do both? Or does one take precedence right now? It is hard to know, b/c since being involved with the OW he has told me so many lies and has said some really mean things, and obviously has caused me a lot of hurt. But, in terms of the aspects of life that do not have anything to do with her, he would do anything for me and prior to her he really was a good husband. I know as long as she is in the picture, he can't be healthy for me and cannot be a good husband. But how do I address the issues that I am responsible for in the marriage?
