Talk to me about letting go.

[cwf]

I am fairly new here. Only posted a couple of times a few months back. My story briefly is H decided he didn't love me anymore. Yes we had some issues but nothing that I thought would lead us to this. We have been separated for a little over 2 years. No OW, he wants to be alone. He works alot and focuses on that(he is self employed) and his kids. He is an excellent father and devoted to his children. We are not legally separated and he has not mentioned divorce since he left. We actually still get along well and he helps with the bills and anything around the house that needs fixing. We don't have daily contact, sometimes I don't speak to him for weeks. I do still love him with all my heart and wish he would change his mind but after about my 4th or 5th time over the last 2 years trying to convince him we should try to reconcile he has again said he is done and that is not going to happen.
I have had DB phone coaching for the last year and a half. I think this is what has kept things peaceful between us all this time. Spoke to Jodi(awesome DB Coach) about letting go. I know this is my only choice so I let my H know I was done trying to convince him to reconcile and was letting go. But I really don't feel like I have let go. I have the same feelings I have had all along. I miss him every day. Think of him constantly and still hope he changes his mind.
So, what does it mean to let go? Have I?

[Mach1]

I think letting go is something that happens on your time, not necessarily a "decision" that one makes...

Letting go can happen on different levels, and varies for each person. It can happen with a loving detachment, or it can happen with a bitter attitude toward the situation.

I have seen both, and most people seem to fall somewhere in the middle ground.

Letting go is a state of mind, that comes together where the heart and the mind are in total agreement with each other.

Where the mind knows it is time, and the right thing to do, and the heart is in the same place.

That takes time to do, and is not an easy task to get those two to agree during turbulent times in our lives.

And usually happens after much work in our own mirror...

Letting go means to accept the person as they are, according to the choices that they have made.

Is this a decision you are making for you ?

Or a decision you are making for the situation ?

Because when you are ready......

It won't really be a decision, it will be a way of life, and you won't really have to think about why you are doing it...it will just happen.

It sounds to me like you may have already been living it in your brain.....

Just your heart isn't in the same room yet...

[Cadet]

Try googling Lance Armstrong and detach.

You will get a great website that will help you with detachment.

[cwf]

Thanks Mach1. You're right my heart is so not there. I don't know how it ever will be. I guess I feel like my heart should have been there too when I told him I was letting go. The decision is for the situation because I feel there is no other choice. I keep getting rejected.

Thanks Cadet, I will check that out.

[Mach1]

That may be part of the problem.....

You are deciding it, instead of just living it.....



When the time comes for this, the heart tells the mind.


What did Jodi tell you ?

[dbmod]

I, too, am curious about Jodi telling you this. What were her suggestions?

[cwf]

Jodi said that I had to let go. That I had to say it. That it was the first step.

[dbmod]

ok, she told you that for a reason, so let's do this.

If you were to completely let go...meaning if you decided he wasn't going to be in your life anymore....and you were to move on...what would you be doing?

[cwf]

I guess I would still be doing the same things as I am now. Working, spending time with friends and my son. Visiting my brother in Florida. Not sure if this is what you mean.

[dbmod]

Well....what would you be doing differently? What ELSE would you be doing?