It'a All About Me

[Sanderika]

Hi Cas,

You got the job you worked so hard for, I am very happy for you!!

Something I noticed a long time ago...

When my H is comfortable with me; in my home, in my presence and in his thoughts of me...

AND...

Solicits visits with me, initiates conversations, is aware of me and has the ability to listen to me...

My H has been comfortable and wanting to do things like:

Asking me for opinions
Asking me for my help
Offering to do something nice for me and son
Standing or sitting close to me
Sharing his world with me; activities, finances, interactions
Texting a joke
Opening the fridge (without asking) for a drink
Opening a cupboard (without asking) for a snack
Calling to invite himself for dinner, lunch or breakfast

Is when my H is having thoughts of us. It's when he is testing the water. It's when he is seriously doubting his choice.

It's when what I'm doing is working on him. It's when he misses me and son and home.

I think this stage of their so-called crisis takes a very long time to navigate. This is when most call it quits because of the mental instability and frustration ii gives. It's very difficult to understand this place because while they appear to be coming closer they are still so very far away.

Cas, I think your H is doing this. I think he knows exactly how good it is at home. I think he is cautiously testing the water without getting too close. He is comfortable enough to take a recipe book and didn't behave selfishly. He gave you a container of soup!! In a sense of MLC selfishness....you would not have been one he would have shared it with.

BTW, I hope it was delicious and you thanked him and told him so (if it was, that is). This would be a very good opportunity and situation to validate him and make him feel appreciated. Warm fuzzies can make a big impact with the wayward when deserved.

My H has been in steady contact, some quite provocative. I am assuming it is all backpaddling. Time will tell.... This letting go thing might actually work I am being polite and friendly, but not initiating any contact. Any contact has been at his hand. I am not letting him get too close. I'm feeling very good about the way things are going for me.

I quit my job and my last day is this coming Wednesday. I am happy with my choice. I have worked in this company for 16 months and have endured much. For the most part I liked the job. I loved the people I worked with and the work itself. The boss, however, is another matter altogether. He is very condescending and demeaning to his employees. I actually have endured verbal abuse. No job is worth it. It is bittersweet, the job worked well for location, income and suited my abilities and talents. I'm going to be fine...

Cas, IMO things are going well between you and your H. This will be a very interesting situation as the holidays near. Keep doing what you are, he is lurking and the progress has been remarkable and noticeable since earlier this year. I see him slowly returning to the comfort level he found before the visit with his folks. I still think she had a great deal to do with H's funk and she worked on him somehow.

Time and patience are still your biggest advantages.

Take care my friend....

Sanderika