How do I deal with now he's overseas?

[Piano]

Thanks again Eric. You leave me again with plenty to think about.

I am going to protect myself so I can be the rock for my D.

I am a slow learner. This is all new to me. Boundaries, who I AM, etc, etc.

I know I have values, but they seem theoretical and not so easy to apply to my own sitch.

I am quite overwhelmed and don't know where to start.

Well, not true. I know to protect myself and enjoy my baby,
but dealing with H is just really hard.

I could go so many ways.

The two major routes are:
1. cut him off
2. work with him.

#1 seems vindictive

#2 seems right.

Yet you need boundaries in place in order to do # 2 "safely".

I have a nagging question tonight...

When H dropped the bomb I was in total shock. Didn't see it coming. Sure, I can see some signs now, but he never said a thing. All actions were pointing towards building our future - we were making a baby - not tearing it down.

If my H was unhappy for some time, unhappy enough to stray, why didn't he feel he could talk to me?

What was it about me that stopped him from opening his mouth and saying, "Piano, I am not happy...."?

How far do I need to go searching for this answer?

Maybe not too far. I know I often talked over him, I dominated conversation. I was a planner, he lived by the day - maybe he thought I was 'controlling' or didn't leave him the space to be him.

I am prepared to own this.

But then what about the baby stuff?

We find out I am pregnant after treatment, two weeks later I relocate to the other side of the world to set up our lives here, and two weeks after that he starts an A with our family friend and doesn't tell her until the 3rd f*** that I am pregnant. 3 months later he arrives here for Xmas, and drops bomb. ILYBINILWY, "I never want to live with you again", "I have no hope for us", "I'm in love", "I have a right to be happy too". etc etc.

Was it the pregnancy news that pushed him over the edge? That gave him a nudge? Was it the final step for him?

He must have felt so trapped, and the A seemed like the best escape route.

Still to this day my H says "it is not the time nor the place" to discuss what happened to us.

But now I am rambling, and have lost track.

It's about HIM again. Not ME.

So much harder to look at ourselves.