BR: I have done those things myself. The showing off and whatnot. She is desperately trying to get your attention. I find that, when it's been a while, I start doing ridiculous things like bending over a LOT more than is necessary, my walk gets this crazy sashay going on. Just really silly stuff. But I am emotionally starting to freak out and I need something, anything, from him. I rarely get it when I do these things but I haven't learned that lesson yet. I'm workin on it.
So I think she reaches out to you, trying to get your sexual attention. When she doesn't get it, she panics and picks a fight with you. She is angry that she doesn't have the ability to stir something in you. But she can't fight about THAT so she will find something else.
BR, you know your wife better than anyone else. What would melt her and get you two in the sack? Could you tell her that you have a surprise for her that evening, then wait up and have a drink made for her (she will need it and so will you) and some candles lit? If that is too risky, what about this: When my husband and I were fighting about this a lot, and he would sense me pulling back from him, he would come up to me and give me this long bear hug. He would not let me go when I tried to pull away. Eventually I would feel myself melting into him. Something about that physical closeness made it hard to continue with the attitude. Also, the physical closeness allowed our bodies to take over; our minds couldn't control everything any longer. So maybe just ask her for a hug and then don't let her go? Tell her you aren't done yet.
Quote: BR: I have done those things myself. The showing off and whatnot. She is desperately trying to get your attention. I find that, when it's been a while, I start doing ridiculous things like bending over a LOT more than is necessary, my walk gets this crazy sashay going on. Just really silly stuff. But I am emotionally starting to freak out and I need something, anything, from him. I rarely get it when I do these things but I haven't learned that lesson yet. I'm workin on it.
So I think she reaches out to you, trying to get your sexual attention. When she doesn't get it, she panics and picks a fight with you. She is angry that she doesn't have the ability to stir something in you. But she can't fight about THAT so she will find something else.
BR, you know your wife better than anyone else. What would melt her and get you two in the sack? Could you tell her that you have a surprise for her that evening, then wait up and have a drink made for her (she will need it and so will you) and some candles lit? If that is too risky, what about this: When my husband and I were fighting about this a lot, and he would sense me pulling back from him, he would come up to me and give me this long bear hug. He would not let me go when I tried to pull away. Eventually I would feel myself melting into him. Something about that physical closeness made it hard to continue with the attitude. Also, the physical closeness allowed our bodies to take over; our minds couldn't control everything any longer. So maybe just ask her for a hug and then don't let her go? Tell her you aren't done yet.
Good luck and as always, keep me posted!
HP. It makes me feel a little better for you to say you acted this way as well. Like myself, I’m sure she’s all over the place. She told the kids the other day that soon it will be just the 3 of them. Other than for them to leak that to me, I don’t know why should would have said such a thing to them.
I’ll probably try the bear hug tonight. I’m sure she will tell me to get off her (especially when there will be a physical reaction on my part that will be seen and most likely felt) but what the heck. As long as she doesn’t call the cops, I don’t care. I just hope her mood is a good one. It’s an encouraging sign that she still comes home shortly after her job closes unlike before I found her in the parking lot.
Yesterday, I didn’t wear my ring to work because of her being silly. I went home for lunch and saw the wedding picture and put the thing on. Yesterday, I didn’t feel any connection to her. Today, I feel her again. I felt some type of angst/decision/fear type thing. Shortly after, I felt a spike of tempered joy from her and now I feel a little anger. I can only hope this emotional range is about me.
Quote: When my husband and I were fighting about this a lot, and he would sense me pulling back from him, he would come up to me and give me this long bear hug. He would not let me go when I tried to pull away. Eventually I would feel myself melting into him.
I think that Honeypot and me are kind of on the same page on the big hug approach and the W wanting attention. Am I good or what?
Did get opp to do anything with W when she came in. She came in straight on complaint about my locking the garage door and how it doesn’t need to be locked. I’ve locked that door for 4 years. Why is it such an issue. W was talking through the door to D telling her that her friend (female) will do some shopping for needed stuff. She was talking so I could hear her. I think this was a way to hurt me by saying I have someone else looking out for the kids. That or she’s borrowing money.
This morning was another repeat of the past few except this time, I buried my head between pillows so her noise would have not effect although I heard her anyway. This time, she comes over and starts dropping cloths on the bed in an effort to wake me. Of course, she turns of coffee pot again.
I think I’m just going to ask her straight out to say what’s on her mind rather than these childish games. They’re getting tiring quickly. Came back from lunch a little lower than when I left. Things triggered sadness such as the couple I had lunch with. They were talking about silly monster movies but were cool with each other. BR hates happy couples right now. I saw a playground behind a housing addition and thought of the kids and how she may play games with them. Now, I get to go to a meeting that will be nothing more than a harangue. Say a prayer for BR so he can get through the rest of the day. It feels as if the world is against BR today. He’s knows this isn’t true but that’s how he feels RIGHT NOW.
I think your idea about confronting her about the 'tude is a good one. Just do it calmly and lovingly, so that the overall effect is to melt her iciness and get you two talkin. My H has just started saying, Is this about sex? Cause it usually is, no matter what the little argument is..the bigger one is almost always about sex. Otherwise we get along so well, there is no need to fight.
Thanks for the prayers HP. I perked up a little after my first writing. There's a nice lady at work who seems to drift around to me when I'm pretty low and drop a little of the word on me. She was telling me that she feels the W is fighting her past as well as trying to find happiness from the outside not thinking that happiness begins from within. She was saying that W may feel let down because she feels I let her down in the happy dept. She said a little prayer and left with a smile and calm voice. When I' real down, she seems to come up and ask me how I'm doing. It was real help. I've noticed over the past few months, my writing skills suck. I guess this is one of the effects of stress.
Thanks again and I ask that a prayer be said for the W. I'm on the up cycle as far as the way I feel about her. It's a true roller coaster on both sides. I didn't hear from her today not even to thank me for xferring money to her account. I told her when the bills cycled out, I would give her half of what I had left. I guess I didn't do it for the thanks but nice word would have been nice.
First off, all of the BR family are in my prayers (and you know how much I believe in praying, etc.) I find that it really helps to just close your eyes and pray, even if it is just for a short while when you need some extra comfort in the trying times. However, don't close your eyes while praying if you are driving, I don't want you to have more problems to pray about...and have people praying for you about.
Quote: I've noticed over the past few months, my writing skills suck. I guess this is one of the effects of stress.
My friend, I think you are doing great and have improved. I have noticed over the past few months that you have really learned to be more expressive with a very good dialog. I think my writing skills have improved over the past few months. More time to read different books and get inspired by different writing styles, and more time on emails/DB boards to write and get inspired. My spelling is still sometimes off. I think emails are great because people are learning to write again, that is if they take it serious and don't do lazy emails.
The past few days have been strange as far as the W is concerned. On Friday, she came in while I was laying on the bed watching TV. The daughter was laying on the floor watching tv as well. W comes in and starts talking about her day and then asked me questions about her car. She then began to just chit chat. We found it strange that she had a tude when she left but came back ok.
On Saturday, I was leaving out to get a little OT . W was up and asked why I was up so early. I told her why and asked her if she got the money I put in her account. She asked why would I do that. I told her because the other day, she said she didn’t have any loot and I would give her some. I must have put the money in the wrong account and she didn’t see it. I was a little mad because of no thanks. I still didn’t get a thanks. I come back from work to a full coffee pot that was still turned on, something she stopped doing over the week. She later called and said she was going shopping, what did we need. She then asked why don’t I just meet her there. My ears go up because I’m paranoid like that.
“Is this a set up” BR thought. We get there shopping like a real couple and I was little waxing nostalgic. She even “let” me get a favorite food. We get home and everything was cool we played games and such. Sunday I left town for a couple hours. I really didn’t tell her why I was going. She got home and was in an up mood. We sat and talked about a common friend and finally she asked why did I leave. The answer was true and innocent. She was still acting nice the rest of the night.
The kids were shocked and one told me she thought mommy was flirting although I didn’t see that. She did get a letter from her attorney on Saturday and I don’t know what bearing that has on her seemingly good mood. On one hand, I want to take the kids advice and just roll with it on the other hmmmmmmmmmm. This morning she was back to bumping and banging and turned off the coffee pot with less than a cup in it.
I had the strangest dream last night. In it, the W and I were laying in bed and she kissed me. She said we known each other too long for us to fret over sex. I tried to get up to go to the bathroom but there was a silver cable hook through her belly button into mine. I was finally able to get up and go the the bathroom. I looked out the window and saw 16 Black Hawk helicopters coming in at tree top level. For some reason, I was told there were 20 guys in each.
I wonder what if anything this dream meant? Is it my paranoid mind creating a crazy dream or is it a warning that’s she’s being nice while plotting something. I just di a little math. 16 is a magic number as it is 60 days from the day W filed for D
Update. Not much of an update since the other day. W has swung to being neutral in her behavior towards me. She still slam the door a little but, she actually left the coffee pot on this morning. I'm a little tense waiting for the bomb to drop on me. In our state, unless something else is filed, our D will be dismissed. This isn't to say she can't/won't refile or has already done paper work. We'll see what happens.
I have an appointment with my attorney. She wants to see where we are and I suppose to get a little extra change from me. While I'm off, I'm going to take the kids to get their mom something for her birthday that she doesn't want to celebrate. She's getting like me. In fact, she is me when I didn't get help. The kids want to do something for her so that's that. I know she's big on Bdays anyway.
I'm not sure if I should get her anything. What do you guys think? If so, what would be a good present for a W who is on the fence like mine is?
Honey pot. How did you handle Bdays during the bad days and what would you have liked your man to do?
No matter what time she gets home, no matter what she does with you, or friends, or family for her birthday, no matter what the hell time it is, no matter what arguments may take place, no matter what comes out of her mouth at you:
GIVE THAT WOMAN A FOOT MESSAGE AND MAKE BURNING PASSIONATE LOVE TO HER ON HER BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
