Sure GusP. burning the midnight oil, eh? in the first couple of nights post-exposure i too had trouble sleeping. am working right now else i would be sleeping. it has been 2 months since the truth finally came out although i had strong suspicions all along, and about his guy in particular! total idiot bc who knows if i could have busted this thing sooner before it went from EA to PA. asleep at the wheel. another way to think of it though is that it had to happen or else maybe would not be where i am now on road to reconciliation somewhat?
i would say that given the newness of it all, i would not shy away from gathering intel, @ least trying to ascertain that she is no longer in contact. as far as gathering data like dates, where, when, etc would say don't sweat it bc that leads to obsession, etc. in the days, weeks and months to follow, u may experience things and feelings that are reminiscent of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). just read in Shirley Glass' book: there is INTRUSION, CONSTRICTION and HYPERVIGILANCE. you can go from obsession to being numb to being super alert, respectively. a little more complex than that afraid to say bc not that simplistic.
have read in multiple places that ur W's ability to work back and remove the OM from her system is one month for every month she was involved in the A. my W? @ least 6 months, if not longer. she still refuses to come clean in my case. suspect she doesn't bc of her guilt and what she would characterize as her lack of trust in me that i will hurt her with what i know. i was VERY calm when i discussed it with her but for one night when i detailed her with some of the facts i had learned about her trysts. my goal is to get her to come clean bc apparently that is needed for real healing to begin. it signifies trust.
how much $? if it's lots, would think carefully. it was her choice to take the $ thus would be somewhat reluctant to bail her out.
A's are most def about the secrecy. when faced with the light of day, it does not seem as romantic or thrilling as it once did before. ur W will be in mourning. she WAS in love. not real love that u and she have in your M or had. will say have although she might give u the line of "ILYBNILWY," "i never loved u," "i don't know why we got married," "i can't remember the good times," "i haven't loved u in years," "i haven't wanted to have sex with you i a long time, it was u initiating it," etc yadda yadda yadda.
be prepared for the long haul. this will take time for her to process, at least 3 months. the holidays will help bc that is ALL about family.
