I think he joined a Monastery and has taken a vow of silence! Nah, he's just reading "Healing Is A Choice" and can't put it down. We're missing you, CTH!
After last week I decided to stay away from the boards for a while. I felt I was spending way too much time doing point-counterpoint and needed to spend more time just doing my job and living my life.
Mishka, I am truly sorry to hear about your mom.
Here's a brief -- for me -- catch up.
Second weekend of having girls at new house went well. No major meltdowns. Had another sleepover Saturday night.
Tuesday, had lunch with a 36-year-old that I asked out twice but she declined because she's a single mom and her daughter is like my 8-year-old so she doesn't like to leave her with sitters. So she suggested lunch instead.
It went well -- we spent a lot of time comparing stories about raising ADHD children -- and we're going to do lunch again in December. I asked to a Christmas party and -- we'll see.
It didn't really feel like a date. So that hurdle is still to come.
Tuesday had 11-year-old and took her to babysitting class, hit the marriage rebuilders group and then picked up D11.
Wednesday truly busy. D11 went to second baby sitting class -- she has a card now saying she's trained. Made it to a business networking event for an hour. Picked up D8 and took her shopping to buy a birthday present for a nonprofit that collects presents for children from poor families who usually don't get presents.
Thursday I worked at the high school where I score games in the winter. I have the schedule all made up. I'll make an extra $900 between now and March. Unfortunately, I had to miss my church growth group. That's done until January -- but that's OK. I need the Thursdays off for a while since I'm going to be working a lot of Tuesdays.
I booked a one-day trip to Wisconsin Dells for the girls and I for Dec. 11. The Dells, I'm hoping becomes our holiday tradition. Two of the Christmas presents are paid for. I'm buying four for each and one for the both of them. I'm buying them a little at a time.
Tonight and tomorrow is my last totally free weekend until March -- I either have the girls or will be working one of the nights scoring basketball games. So I, of course, filled it up. I'm going out with friends tonight and tomorrow -- after watching the Paul Williams-Sergio Martinez fight. Saturday during the day, I volunteered to help sports by covering a high school football playoff game three hours from here. Lots of time to listen to music and think.
Sunday I am working at the paper in the afternoon. I need to finish my annual self evaluation and do some corporate sexual harassment online training.
No correspondence from STBXW at all this week, which is just as good. I sent her an email about an incident D11 had on the bus yesterday and then called the school about it. Another boy is bullying a friend of hers. D11 wants to "save" everyone -- including her parents' marriage -- and it's exhausting her. I'm trying to subtly teach her that she can't fix everyone's problem -- something it took me a long time to learn. Still, you have to stop bullying when you see it.
Letter from my L today. He met with STBXW's L on Tuesday and ... all he had to talk about was whether I'll be contributing to the girls health insurance next year.
Another $250 down the drain. And they aren't meeting again until Jan. 11. My L asked for a complete proposal before then.
As soon as I read it I fired off an email. Health insurance was agreed to back in February. They proposed me paying $20 per check (well below what the court would order) and we accepted so I asked my L to remind her L that this is a decided issue.
The letter puts my conundrum squarely in front of me again. I don't want to be divorced so I'm doing nothing to advance it. But that allows her attorney to sit there and milk both of us. I could have my L draw up a proposal, but I still want to be able to say 10 years from now that the D was not my idea and I did nothing to advance it.
A small point of pride for me.
I'm set for Thanksgiving. I'm taking the girls out to eat Wednesday night -- my normal night -- dropping them off Thursday and heading to Wisconsin to eat with my cousin who I haven't seen in five years. I'm really looking forward to it. The BEST Thanksgiving I ever had with STBXW was when we ditched her family -- they were driving her crazy as usual -- and went up to Wisconsin to eat with my cousin.
Thoughts continue to be up and down. Girls aren't asking as much about what's going on.
I had a weird thought today. Even with STBXW's lazy lawyer slowing up the process, this likely will be the last Christmas we are married. Drew said something about being the one to "soften" a little bit. So I'm considering buying STBXW a small present as a token of thanks for 14 years of marriage.
She loves Christmas. It's far and away her favorite holiday. She grew up in a poor family and they really only got new stuff at Christmas.
I'm going back and forth on it. I can't think of what's appropriate. Last year, it would have been pursuing because I was so trying to avoid her filing. Now ... if this was a baseball game, it's the 9th inning with one out and I'm waiting for the other team's closer to enter the game.
I'm 50/50 on it. I could convince myself not to. Christmas is a sore point for me now. Last year she invited me to her mom's house for dinner and I took that as a good sign. It turns out she really just wanted to head out to party later that night and didn't want to have the drive the girls to my apartment -- a 20 minute drive.
I'll have to let that go some day. Probably not this year though.
To avoid even the chance of being invited again I signed up to be the Christmas day editor. I have the girls in the morning. I will drop them off in the afternoon and work from 4 p.m. to 8 p.m.
It bought me a day off to make another $100 at a freshman basketball tournament.
Lots, lots, lots going on -- as you can see.
I'll chime in again next week.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
Soften your tone with her, soften your approach with her, soften your toilet paper, soften anything, but ---- NO GIFTS!!!
Gotta disagree! Part of parenting is setting an example and it seems to me that giving a small gift to the mother of your children for Christmas is showing your children that you can act as an adult and are still a caring person. Anybody else want to chime in?
I agree. A card and perhaps a small token gift from the kids will suffice.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
How about a candy cane jello mold from the dollar store...or maybe an 8" X 10" framed photo of CTY's "package"! (and have some jingle bells dangling from it to capture the season appropriately)
It's enabling behavior and it frustrates me to see that this type of counseling stuff gets posted here still. Why thank her for a George W. Bush "Mission Accomplished" marriage? The marriage wasn't supposed to end. Sorry to sound so gruff but what message does this send?
I agree with above. A 'softer' "wish you a Merry Xmas" or "enjoy the day" is perhaps a smidge more appropriate.
Think.
Supporting you.
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
