i caught him the first time and i was shocked and asked if our sexlife was ok. so he apologized, said it was fine, acted like no big deal and promised not to do it again. he played the shemale page as something that just popped up accidentally. i know he lied because i checked the history later. i caught him a second time, there was no doubt he was looking at shemales. and then i had the calm suggestion of seeing our priest. he laughed like that was the last person he would talk to about it. i reasured him that a priest probaly hears worse stuff than this. then, i backed off. hurt. scared. i spent part of the morning at the library and found the DR book. i checked out another one about cybersex addicts. i couldn't believe how many mental disorders there are with a book for each case. i have a few hours to read before he comes home. look you guys, i do love my h and am crying right now because i thought our m is good. all our frinds and fellow parishioners tell us all the time how we have a good priorities in our relationship and are so close. they even seem envious that we get along so good, have fun, come and go as we please, spontaneious, no kids to be responsible for and stuff like that. and i thought we were. this is tearing me up because, well the porn, yeah, but the idea that i now do not know the man i married. twice. it hurts and it's causing me to doubt my ability to judge peoples character. and it feels like a flood of feelings right now when i think back on stuff. i wish i felt like i did before today. willing to get a d and be done with the pain. im hurting bad and im shocked by that too.
