I agree an outlet for your anger is a necessary thing...
You were doing great when things seemed to be going positivly, but as soon as things changed a bit, you started to get angry...
While it is natural to feel that emotion, and it is easy to get discouraged in this process...
Don't let your anger ruin the good work and positive steps you have made...
I don't have access to his email or phone anymore, but he used to hand me his phone regularly (up to the day before he moved out) while he was driving (so I could play games) and I'd browse his text history. There was nothing off about any of them.
I write long letters to H about why he's being stupid and how angry and hurt I am, and then I shred them. My shredder is getting quite a workout! I don't think he has a clue how angry I am, which makes me proud, because one of my personal goals is to work on how I react to situations when I am angry. It's okay to feel angry, it is okay to object to calmly object to decisions that I disagree with, but it is not okay to yell at him, call him names, or give away his stuff. So far I'm doing pretty well in person.
I think I'm angry now because I finally decided (again) to take back a little control of my life and start handling things like organizing house repairs, bills, etc. I'm angry that I have to take the effort, and live with the ensuing disruption, because of his choice.
I'm also angry because I feel like he IS cake-eating - he talks to me more than is neccessary while at the same time emailing me the next steps he wants to take for divorce. He agrees to go to one session of marriage counseling (Dec 8), but says he won't go back if we start talking about ways that could fix our problems - he just wants to help me identify the issues so I have closure.
I worry that the reason I'm engaging him is because I'm not ready to say goodbye to the friendly conversation part of our relationship, which was always good. And I suspect that may be why he responds - because that's the one part of the R that he still enjoyed. I'm not prepared to have that with him when we are no longer married.
I think I may take the original advice and pull back more - not check to see if he's on the phone after he talks to D, not allow him to help put the kids to bed at my house (if you don't want to live here, then you aren't part of the routines here), and D can make muffins for him at his house and I will eat the ones she makes here
