Thanksgiving is next week and it is really starting to hit me, this is the first major holiday since the STBXH left the house and filed for divorce.
In years past we would split the day lunch time at my family and dinner at his. I love his family, his mother invited both of us to thanksgiving dinner, I talked to the H last night and he said he would feel awkward if I was there.
I just feel so lost. He wants me to just drop off the Girls without getting out of the car.
Hopefully this first one is the worst ad it will be less painfull in future years. He wanted the divorvce, but I feel like I am the one being punished.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
There is usually some type of volunteer work that is more than welcomed during the holidays.
Not everyone is suited to starting a friendship with elderly people in retirement/nursing home, but I believe "adopting" a grandparent/parent to give them someone who actually cares about them during holidays.....would be a selfless deed. So many of them do not have families or not any that bother to visit. So sad.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sorry ((Lostinlife)) this is a tough one. but we can do it!!
Sandi I was thinking along these lines, it would certanily keep my mind off of things.
He also then wants them for the whole weekend. He left in July and has only taken them 2 times on the weekend, Once because I was walking the 60 mile breast cancer walk and the second time because I had a pre-arrainged girl trip weekend. He has no where to take them so he stays at his mom's house with them. I quess he doesn't want them to see where he is living.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
try to look at your stbxh not taking the kids to his house as a good thing. you don't want your kids exposed to that atmosphere and you like you in-laws.
great job on 60 mile walk. i too have no family and the holdiays are sneeking up superfast.
Me 39 H 30 d 18 previous marriage d 2.5 with H s 4.5months with H Seperation Nov09 july i'm dim to dark - set internal deadline
Don’t feel this way – PERIOD. Last year was the first Turkey Day I had without my kids in 18 years! Guess what…I made and we all survived. You will too. Believe IT!
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He wants me to just drop off the Girls without getting out of the car.
Screw what he wants. You do not have to operate from a place of FEAR. I am not saying be an as* - no but you should not feel like you cannot even get out of the car.
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Hopefully this first one is the worst ad it will be less painfull in future years.
Yes, the first ones are tough. They do get better IF YOU allow them to.
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He wanted the divorce, but I feel like I am the one being punished.
You “Feel” what your believe is YOUR reality. DB101 – Change how you look at th sitch and YOUR feelings will change. Is this easy? No. Can it be done. Absolutely!
Stay busy but also give yourself some time to grieve. Don’t dwell on it all day….but allow yourself to feel the feelings.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Eric, Thank you !! Thank you so much, just what I needed to hear. I am going to give my self an attitude adjustment.
Although earlier today when my Mother in law stopped by to pick up my Daughter for some shopping. she asked privately what we have decided to do for Thanksgiving and I did get a little emotional, as so did she, We just teared up a little about the situation, and how we both never thought this would happen to our Family. I let her know I was just letting it sink in and that I was and would be fine.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Hi. I am an old poster. But I wanted to chime in that Next week will be tough. But you will make it. Perhaps the first one the goal is to just make it through the day. But you will. Low key worked for me. I missed the day greatly but. I made it.
With you girls. You can move the dates. Holidays can occur on any day of the week or a week before or after. You can still experience the moment with them. Does not have to be on the exact day. I just popped by to read some old threads about my life this time last year.
Life gets better. Its a choice.
Flowers always make people better, happier, and more helpful; they are sunshine, food and medicine for the soul. unconditional love is awesome!
Just popping in to reassure you that you can and will make it through the holidays. You may even enjoy them!
Last year I had my first holidays without Mr. Kara around. Right around Thanksgiving we had an argument and the tension was so thick that while I was sad at where we had gotten to I was also was relieved when he went away for the holidays. Know what? I had a great Christmas. I got a makeover, a new haircut,treated myself to some new clothes, went to parties, decorated the house, tried new recipes. I resolved not to sit at home and mope, so I invited friends over and I accepted ivitations. I rang in the New Year peacefully at church thanking God for bringing me that far. It was a good time for me and in a strange way one of my best Christmases as it showed me that I had a strength I didn't think I possessed.
This year? I am already planning recipes, decorating, the whole works. I am throwing a big old party too. I am going to spend a little time helping the less fortunate as well.
It is a scary prospect initially and there will be sad moments but you can do it!!!
