She says seperate or divorce after her affair help

[blue2010]

Some updates....Copied from another forum thread I have going
11/17 So we just had a talk about the A and a little of how we our marriage got there. It was a polite conversation she now looks distressed but probably because the reality is she is done, I don't think any method will bring this back unless you with more experience believe otherwise.
The conversation consisted of how she had been unhappy for a long time her body language response to 5 years would be that long. She says that she thought it was just the way it was suppssed to be so she did not speak up all that time. I told her if she only had i would have worked to fix it. She is not over the OM she is not in love with me anymore. I don't think 180's will do here. She wants to find a place and move out she believes the children will not miss her, she doesn't see any other way. Says she wasn't happy for years and I should have seen it, but how do you pick up on these things with a W whose personality is quiet not super loud ROFL there's little to detect. So Really is there a chance to bring her back or do I just face it and hold her off until after the holidays to tell the children.
My last glimmer of hope is burning out.

11/18 Well this kind of a journal at the moment her resentment and anger is full force this morning I am again evil all the negatives is it her confronting emotions the fog. I really need some input here.

Just FYI last nights conversation was very cordial and calm. It did have on heightened moment but not even raised voices. I have some alone time the next few days I am going to reflect. I am going to reread things.
The conversation last night in retrospect now that I have let some emotions out on my own today I think maybe allowed her to get some stuff out, I hope. She has not been willing to talk about it at all, the A. I didn't ask any R or A questions to begin with. It began with the housing conversation and I asked what would make her happy and she kind of went on about 10 min. We ended on an OK note she cried a little when saying the A was her happiness. I started to say how that was without kids and so on and she went right on the defensive. She said she is not over the A not over him. I asked if seperation is still the only way she said what other way is there I said to work at it her body language slumped and sighed.
She did get defensive about a D comment I made so I recognize I need to increase that filter in my head and Back off from 90% to 220%. Very hard to do. Her talk of taking care of things is that she can still do the bills make sure we are all set pick up the kids when she is not working. Like it's no biggie just a divorce but still taking care of each other.
I don't know I will heed your advice I keep rereading the 180 list that has helped. Maybe these next few days of her with kids and me alone will help both of us. I do not expect a sudden change.


Goal : Back Off More!
Whats best for my kids still makes me happy!