Well, small world and small town.. Wife was confronted by a parent and wife of a child in my sons TKD class and her husband is a black belt in my wife's TKD class... turns out she asked my wife point blank if the "rumors" are true? Wife asked what rumors and the other mom/wife stated the rumor that my WAW was sleeping with a TKD instructor.. my wife had to come totally clean and told her the whole story including the EA text's and phone calls but also said that she and I are committed to the marriage and are working things out... wife was very very upset.. I didnt overly console her, I simply agreed that she is upset but that is peoples perception as to what has happened and that there are consequences. I also told her I will support her if there are questions about her integrity as long as she is honest and continues to work on the trust.
the Scarlet letter is self inflicted. Is it wrong not to feel sorry for her?
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
It's ok, just don't wear it on your sleeve. It is hard not to take some satisfaction from the consequences of their actions, especially when you are not the source of the consequence.
But being able to talk with her about it, that is what will help you both move past it. Good job Pen.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
I'm going to say something that you are not going to want to hear. If it's possible, you need to find a way not to deploy. Your marriage is damaged and you need lots of time to repair it. Long periods apart will make this much more difficult, if not impossible. You need to strengthen and maintain the connection between the two of you. That feeling of being connected is what makes couples survive the hard times. If the connectedness is not there, even minor problems can spell disaster. You need to be with her or find some way to keep her feeling connected while you are gone. That is no small feat.
Nothing I can do about that short of quitting... the nature of my job will require it. Wife can visit me though so the period of separation will be about 6 weeks at a time. We also have Skype and phone so connectivity is not a problem. In the meaintime I will be home on the weekends. This is a good trial to see how the trust is maintained until deployment. Wife and I had a military career full of separations and nothing happended like this before... I am cautious and nervous but I have to start building the trust. I understand what you are saying but the hard fact remains I need to also continue to earn a living.
Jack thanks for the feedback.. I agree and I was not being smug and I was not trying to show her anything other than validation. It was interesting. She is aware of the damage now that the fog is lifted.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
"Wife was confronted by a parent and wife of a child in my sons TKD class and her husband is a black belt in my wife's TKD class... turns out she asked my wife point blank if the "rumors" are true?"
wow. tell her to limp around say she sprained her ankle or has plantar fasciitis and is afraid of doing permanent damage. there is probably a clause to cancel the contract for medical reasons.
It really ISN'T a good way to test the trust between you.
Can she move with you? Even though you've had a lifetime of this...she will need your support. Meaning your big strong warm arms. Life doesn't get easier. You can probably trust her, but you will be leaving a big void.
Like Making said.....it will take heroic efforts on your part. And you might not 'feel' like doing it. You will need to do it anyway.
I like Steve's idea.
I want to thank you for serving. And for your marriage...I vote for you to reconsider the deployment. It will be worth it.
thanks I realize that. I will have to be creative. while not pushing.
Steve, she actually does have injuries with the Plantar. I suspect she will be scaling back after her passing her level 2 Black belt decided. She really doesnt have a plan after that. But we'll see. It isnt about the contract or the money.. I would gladly eat that if she stopped.
dbmod, thanks for your comments. I will be communicating and in touch daily. I am open to any and all suggestions to remain connected emotionally. Unfortunantly, she wont move with me due to her career and our home here. She is quite successful in her own right. The deployment is set for january and I will be able to be in communication daily or whenever she wants to call or email or skype. I am not going to push for her communication like I did last time. I am going to let her intitiate as she wants to and if it gets strange feeling, I will use the tecniques we are using at MC to discuss it. Gonna try to do distance MC also...
Sting sang, if you love someone.. set them free... I did. She came back. It is up to her to stay.
M:42 W:39 S:9 M:20 T:25 D-bomb: 30 Sep 10 Wife changed her mind: 31 Oct 10 Working on it: 31 Oct 10
