I confronted wife about OM. It wasn't the best setting, but the iron was hot. The response I got wasn't what I expected. She was defensive and really wanted to know where I got my information. While saying she didn't want to hurt me, she wasn't overly sorry.
She also said that it was over with the OM and coincidentally she ended it just hours prior when he became controlling and weird. I said that it had to be over and if it wasn't she had to move out immediately. I also mentioned that she hasn't been a present mom and this has really hurt the kids. I kept stressing the kids. She came back to where I got my info and I wouldn't tell her. Although I let her think one of his friends got guilty ... I have to admit that part was fun.
The next morning she was much more sorry and explained that she contected with him and considered our marriage over many months before. She also said that she was relived everything was over because it was taking a toll on her.
Fast forward 6 hours: she calls me at work and asks me to lunch the next day saying that she wants to start repairing her relationship with me and the kids. She then went therapy and came back raw, but in a better place.
We've spoken for hours about all this and now she says she's willing to work on our marriage after considering it completely over. I also was able to block his number from her cell phone (there was heavy texting).
I have asked many questions about the affair and she has been really open (almost to a fault), but she also says that there are still lingering feelings for him. I've told her that I will file if she goes back to him, but will also be really honest with her if she is with me.
Do I trust someone I love that has been lying to me the past few months or am I an idiot? I'm deathly afraid that one of them will contact and feelings will come rushing back and I'll be back to square one.
Also, I feel like the story of how they broke it off doesn't add up. I know they've ended it, but not sure if she ended it. Does that even matter?
She has many valid points about how our marriage was broken and I plan on addressing every one. One big one is that I'm controlling, but how can I not be a little controlling about the affair and what she's up to after the deception. I don't want to be a dictator, but she can't be trusted right now either.
Thanks in advance for any help. I have re-read DR about infidelity multiple times now.
