who are you?

[fisherman]

The best thing you can do is to get a professional involved.

I agree, no matter what you decide to do. You need to do this for you.

[Steve McQueen]

Marmie, my observation was not intended to be rude, inconsiderate or self-serving in any way.

It was a simple direct point to hopefully make realize that men do not look at other hetrosexual men's penises in the middle of the night. And continue to do so and laugh in their wife's face when she offer's to seek help to save their marriage.

you said it yourself

my h watches shemale porn

Think beyond addiction. if you even care to.
Think about yourself as he sorts out his life for himself.


I intended you no harm. I intended your husband no harm either.
But if noone else cared enough to say it to you, I do.

Hetrosexual Men are not interested in looking at other men's penises.

[marmie]

thank you for that steve. i was wondering what was up with all the tap dancing around the shemale subject.

[Clark_Kent]

It was a simple direct point to hopefully make realize that men do not look at ... And continue to do so and laugh in their wife's face when she offer's to seek help to save their marriage.

Thank you Steve, I felt like I was in the twilight zone and no one else was seeing these other points as a problem... NO ONE other than you is showing concern over the lying/secrecy or the laughing... the other posts here are just concerned about coddling this guy...

[fisherman]

marmie,

I'm not so sure if it was "tap dancing" or just trying to be tactful. In any event I'm glad being a bit blunt didn't bother you.

[marmie]

i guess i thought it was weird that i was assumed to be judgemental until the shemale thing came to light. i could almost hear the brakes squealing on my thread.
other than steve, i'm still waiting to find out why any person other than gay would look at this stuff.

[MakingProgress]

Marmie

You say he can't stop looking at it. How did you arrive at this conclusion?

[marmie]

i caught him looking at it again.
well, he just left for work and i can't stand the silence. we are barely speaking.

[Truegritter]

find out why any person other than gay would look at this stuff.

NO ONE here knows that Marmie unless they have experienced it themselves.

That is up to your husband to examine his sexuality.

Do you have to accept that? No.

Does that have to be part of your life? No.

If he is a homosexual then he has some very difficult things to confront.

And so do you.

That is not "coddling" someone. That is getting to a frank and meaningful discussion with someone you care about and may be in a lot of pain and denial.

THAT MAY be the issue. Tragedy changes our lives. It is up to you what to do with it and how you will be changed by it.

The endgame here is for you to come to a healthy conclusion for YOUR life.

If you think who you want to be is to label your husband a homosexual and leave him and you have no regrets about that

Then do it.

Me?

I would want to understand before I react. I would not jump to any conclusions based on ANYONE but a qualified professional to help you come to best decision for you.

[MrBond]

TG is right. Talking to him about it in a compassionate manner is not "coddling". The guy already feels embarrassed enough and if you start bringing in outside people, etc. it's going to push him even further inward.

Maybe it's boundary time. You go in, close the door and say you really need to talk because you have questions about the safety of your health and his. If he starts to backpedal, then you stand firm. You need to come up with a consequence if he doesn't want to respect your request.

Get the door open so that he will be open to going to therapy or whatever counseling.