"Do not believe what you hear and less than 50% of what you see."

It is something thrown around on this site to provide false hope for people who after years, a decade, or more, never learned how to listen to or read their spouse's actions.

It is important you believe what they say to you and what they do and react appropriately.

If they say to you, 'I love you but I am not in love with you' or 'I want a divorce; I am in love with someone else' you should be listening and believing them because that is how they feel. If you ignore their wants, desires, feelings for your own wants, desires, feelings you are being selfish. If you act out in selfishness in an already desolate situation chances are the person that wants to flee will not find any reason not to. Selfishness maybe viewed as "more of the same behavior" or passive agressiveness. Why should someone want or have to put up with that?

From Michele,

Quote:
I have worked with so many people who live in quiet desperation because they are utterly convinced that their way of seeing things is right and their partner's is wrong. They spend a lifetime trying to get their partners to share their views.

You can learn very important lessons from people who have been on this site for years and never resolved their marital problems. Holding on and attempting to control your spouse to conform to how you feel they should act and be is not trying something different. Listen carefully to what they say, often they are telling you 'I am not happy. I want to be happy; but you being around you is not going to make me happy.'

Easy. Save Yourself. First. The advice retrieved from Divorce Busting is invaluable in regards to this. You will be suprised how quickly a bad marriage can turn around when you are offering something new, different, exciting. 'Getting married to you was a mistake' or 'I haven't been happy in years' is telling you you need to change if you want to save this marriage. If you ignore that, people will move on from an unhappy situation regardless of some signed piece of paper or vow before god.