Oh and BTW, when you come onto a public forum, expect to hear things that you may not agree with. You come on here to get opinions and differing POV and not to hear what you want to hear. Sometimes we come in these boards to hear what we NEED to hear.
I'm assuming you are on a divorce stopping site to save your marriage. God bless you for that.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
i did not "read him the riot act" or do anything else that i think is "judgemental." i mentioned talking to our priest because my h and i attend church together, i am not some pious fishwife married to a heathen. in fact, he goes to confession more than i do! plus, we have our home blessed at the beginning of each new year. anyone who is familiar with orthodox christianity will know exactly what i am talking about. i'm sorry if my reaction to what he is doing is upsetting to you guys. but what about how i'm feeling?
It’s a pretty common problem among married couples – and it’s not about “lying” and it’s not about disrespecting your partner or being deviant– it’s about having hang ups that make it difficult to discuss those intimate issues. It’s about communication.
I really think it's marmie's place to decide what this situation is "about." If she feels lied to and disrespected then I'd say that's what its about...
I am gonna just let marmie talk for now... If you would rather give a potential addict the "benefit of the doubt" that's fine... to me these posters are human beings and I try to err on the side of caution rather than casual. I don't believe in giving people advice that puts them at risk of abuse.
Nobody dismisses how you feel. You have a right to feel the way you do. Likewise, he has a right to feel the way he does. He's not going to understand your disgust or feeling of betrayal right off the bat. He's still dealing with getting caught. It's going to take some time and compassion on both your parts.
"or do anything else that i think is "judgemental." You came on here and said you wanted to get an AIDS test. That's pretty judgemental to me. If that's how you sounded on here, imagine how you might have sounded to him?
Bottom line is that you don't want this to happen again and he'd probably not want to be reminded of you catching him.
So did you ask him why he was looking at that type of porn? Try and detail your conversations with him as much as possible on here. It helps.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
i did ask him why and he told me to just leave him alone. so i did. he is the one who suggested that we convert to orthodoxy 5 years ago and i agreed. i feel doubly betrayed because i thought he and i were on the same page with the tenets of our church.
"i did ask him why and he told me to just leave him alone."
Is this after it happened the first time or others as well? Was the approach - "honey, I have a problem with you looking at porn and I was wanted to know if there was a reason. Do you think our sex life was lacking? Was there a fantasy? Were you just curious? It makes me uncomfortable for you to be looking at that and makes me feel as if I wasn't enough for you."
Is this how you talked to him?
Aside from the tenets of the church. Speak to him like a compassionate wife. It won't happen automatically, but he's got to see that the doorway is open. If already feels uncomfortable talking to you about it, there's no way he's going to be talking to an outsider about it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
i'm sorry if my reaction to what he is doing is upsetting to you guys. but what about how i'm feeling?
You have nothing to be sorry for when it comes to this. This is your thread.
I'm sorry for the rude, inconsiderate, self serving comment you have received from Steve. It clearly was not made with you in mind, it was a childish button push.
steve, this is why I'm getting tested. trapt, thank you for the compassion. bond, this is exactly how i talked to my h: ""honey, I have a problem with you looking at porn and I was wanted to know if there was a reason. Do you think our sex life was lacking? Was there a fantasy? Were you just curious? It makes me uncomfortable for you to be looking at that and makes me feel as if I wasn't enough for you." i was shocked when i caught him, but kept my cool, because we were always respectful when talking to each other. no put-downs or snide comments to one another or in front of other people either. in fact, we always thought that couples that do that were hostile and thier behavior toward each other unseemly. we also had premarital counselling before our wedding 10 years ago, and then the same thing before our orthodox ceremony 4 years ago.
